Emotions of the weekend...

It was an emotional weekend:

1. Took the family to see the lights of Temple Square and to our favorite downtown restaurant for our traditional "night out on the town". The kids were excited and I was emotional (with all that's been weighing on me and with all the thoughts of where I'm going from here, etc...) and we had a great time and reflected on our past Christmas seasons together...

2. As a family, attended the Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert with 21,000 other people. I was touched to tears several times (by the music and setting, but also by the comfort of being together as a family)- maybe it's just me and that I get emotional and passionate about these things, but I was overcome that I was here with my wife and kids and I felt such happiness and peace as I thought of these times together...

3. Shoveled out over 8" of snow with my kids! It was invigorating, beautiful and exciting (yes Abe, snow can be all these things) and emotional. I love the first real major storm of the season...

4. Anxiously awaited the return of our college student eldest daughter who hasn't been home since July. She's struggling and hurting in many ways and I was desperate to have her home again, to hold her and to just know that she was safe and warm in our home. I don't really have anything more to offer her than that. And it was emotional...

5. Celebrated Santa Lucia (the festival of Lights) - an Italian / Catholic holiday that we do with family and friends with a Mormon twist. We had 17 around our table for a special holiday dinner and a celebration of Christ being the Light of the world. Our house was decorated (with our five Christmas "memory" trees) to the hilt with our family memories and with two fireplaces roaring, the warmth of the occasion caused me deep reflection of my blessings, of my love for my family, and brought me peace... real peace that I haven't felt for a long, long time...

6. Reflected on Thomas and his birthday that evening as I felt him close to me. With all of the candles and flickering lights, the reflection of family and friends, I couldn't help but contemplate the good and warmth I felt for him at this time and the love I continue to feel for him, as I find in my heart the possibility of loving my family AND friends and part of my emotion came by pensively placing him in my heart as part of me and this season... Some may feel this is inappropriately placed in this sequence of events. I do not... not in the spirit it is given.

7. Accompanied our son early on the Sabbath to witness and participate in his patriarchal blessing. The miracles that are my son and how he came into our lives is known only to us and the Lord - and in that powerful, prophetic blessing, my heart was touched to know of the tender love He has for me and the amazing potential He has in store for my son.... What a father's pay-day!!! Need I say, it was very spiritual, peace-filled and emotional?

8. Taught a lesson that brought a newly activated sister to a realization that she was feeling the spirit. I was impressed to ask her to offer the closing prayer, to which she did so with some trepidation and fear, but with emotion that overcame fear and brought peace to her and my soul. I learned afterward that that was the first time ever in her 50-something years that she has prayed publicly out loud... and how grateful she was for having done so and to have felt the Spirit present. I felt the spirit as we hugged and bonded with that emotion...

9. Worked on a huge service project for the High Priests, taking their photos and gathering their written testimonies to mount together in a "Father's Legacy" gift to their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Some were hesitant to write their feelings, but then got into it. As I copy or retype their words, I feel the power of their witnesses and their testimonies, and realize the power of a Father and the legacy he leaves his posterity. It has brought me to my knees in gratitude for the bounty and blessing that is mine to be a father and husband - something I haven't felt for some time...

10. Prayed to continue to feel this peace and emotion, expressing gratitude for the ability to FEEL and to NOT be "beyond feeling". I thank my God for giving me a passionate heart that can feel tenderness, and that can connect with others. At times, I curse this heart for being too emotional and too passionate... but I am grateful that I CAN feel. That, at times is a curse, but mostly it is a blessing.

Emotion can be seen as just tears, or lack of control, or being sissy, weak, superficial, or shallow. The emotions I describe this weekend encapsulated feelings of the Spirit, of Peace, of Tender Mercies, of Miracles and Reminders of all that I am and can be with the Lord at my side... I find strength, and assurance, and comfort and manliness in these emotions... and I haven't felt this way for a long time... It's so easy to forget...

Sorry for being emotional (as I tend to gush in excess), but indulge me a bit - as I search to find my way through these emotions onto the path of "what I want"...