Saturday, October 30, 2010

Mi sono ritornato!

For what it's worth...

I'm back!!!

I've been out of the country for a couple of weeks and then out of town on business an additional week that has kept me super crazy busy.

But it's all good. I'd rather be traveling the globe and / or super busy at work than otherwise. Good things have been happening and I may decide to report on where I've been and what's going on from time to time... Beck is still around, maybe just not as intensively as before - that is, until the cycle repeats and the angst returns.

So, best wishes to any readers still out there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, October 09, 2010



things get too crazy...

and you just have to go!

Monday, October 04, 2010

Seeking divine wisdom and balance...

Conference, for the most part, was very good. I sincerely sought to find ways to really listen instead of just having it on in the background as I’m often known to do. It didn’t always work, as serious family concerns interfered. But, as I said, for the most part, it was good.

I love Pres. Uchtdorf! He is quickly becoming a favorite. His honest manner and sincere, personal approach really touch me. Though it gets tiresome hearing about his days as a commercial pilot, he can even joke about it and make fun of himself. His message on simplicity and slowing down, and “using a pencil” was very appropriate for me. His message on pride / being prideful and encouraging humility and charity, and serving wherever we are asked, not seeking praise or being so self-absorbed touched me as well and made me check myself and my motives for the service I render.

Of course, a rough spot in the conference experience was the stern message from Elder Packer. I really am okay with him delivering a message on the sanctity of the family, on marriage being between a man and a woman, and even on the concept of temptation:

Paul promised, 'God will not suffer you to be tempted above what ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it." You can, if you will, break the habits and conquer the addiction and come away from that which is not worthy of any member of the Church."

These are long held positions and teachings and I really don’t have a problem with them. We are here on earth to be tried and tested, and our test will be that which we can bear. I am convinced of that.

But when he says:

Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural. Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our Father,”

I have to admit it gave me pause. I feel the utmost assurance that what I feel is an “inborn tendency” is neither “impure” or “unnatural”. I feel it is good, and I have personally felt that reassurance recently in profound and personal ways that give me confidence and hope for the future.

SO, why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? I wonder that, too. I don’t think Heavenly Father has “done” anything to me. I just am. Yes, the laws of choice (as Pres. Monson addressed in the priesthood session) still apply to me, and I do have the right to choose, the responsibility to choose and recognize the result of my choices) do apply to all of us… but I ask: Please brethren – ponder (as Pres. Eyring taught), and seriously think about that question: Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? I certainly hope that members of the church as a whole will ask that question! I feel that many will not even feel the need to ask such a question, accepting the standard answer as the “truth” and no further inspiration is needed. Oh if only they had a son or daughter, or could see or understand what “not” asking the tough question and being silent in our petitions is doing to our gay brothers and sisters…

My belief is that Elder Packer isn’t in the frame of mind to ponder that question, as he “knows” he already has the answer, but I ask myself if other brethren will put themselves in a different mentality and ask themselves the tough questions, and realize there may be a different answer than the pre-supposed response. I hope so. I feel that sincere pondering and questioning of that “why” question will bring further understanding and “revelation” with the passing of the torch to the next generation. I feel some of the brethren are “getting it”, but due to the hierarchical system firmly in place in the upper levels of general authorities, it is not their position to overshadow or override their superior priesthood leader. Elder Packer isn’t going to change his position. Though Pres. Monson could have corrected him, he chose not to. It came off as if Elder Packer is the bulldog that can’t be controlled and is left penned up in the backyard incessantly barking, straining his chain to be heard, so let him off his chain temporarily and do his dirty work while I speak on less controversial, though pertinent subjects…

I wasn’t angry, but more perturbed at what seemed to be cold and stern and stubborn “digging in the heels” approach. It was to be expected (even though out of context or sync with the rest of what is going on – read Elder Marlin Jensen’s reaction to the recent Oakland Stake Conference). I am even more perturbed this morning that the sound bite most used on the radio and in media summarizing the conference isn’t on gratitude, service, doing good, holding fast, receiving the Holy Ghost, or any other worthy and poignant message – no, the sound bite is of Elder Packer’s stance on the “gay issue”. That grieves me, especially as it implies this was the focus and the point of the whole conference, and the fallout of misinformation that will continue to be addressed from this talk in future quorum discussions…

All I can think is this: with one being a literal heart-beat from the office of prophet, I pray for a long and healthy life of the current prophet.

Meanwhile, I’m not going to worry about what I can’t do. I can't fret over what is not mine to fret. I can't control that which is not mine to control. Instead, I will try to do better, work harder, be more humble, serve more willingly in helping and lifting others, invite the Holy Ghost more into my life, and simplify my life in order to accomplish more the good that I can do!