Part of me desires to be with him as he directs his small choir of local citizens at the piccola chiesa paesina where they sing their praises to God for the birth of the Son in a way that can only be appreciated being there in that place and time. Part of me desires to be at midnight Christmas Eve mass with him as he plays the organ at the local cathedral, and then again at midnight mass on Christmas. To feel the spirit of his music and the sacredness of the occasion, and the pageantry of the season with him is something I long for.
But it is not to be... I am here. He is there. He wants me there with him. I told him I wanted more than anything to be there with him. He understands. I'm not sure I do. He's making a video of the oratorio and sending it to me. I'm not sure that I can watch it... yet I can't wait for it to come.
This is a dream, a fantasy - real as it is, it is still a fantasy...
Part of me desires to be focused with my wife and kids and not go anywhere else. I want to just stay home, to just cuddle together around the fire, to just sit quietly wrapping my arms around them, holding them close and cherishing this place and time together. I have this dear and loving family here and now. This isn't a fantasy. This is real. This is peace.
I held her in my arms this morning for a long, long time. We cuddled and caressed each other affectionately - no one said anything as we watched the darkness dissipate into light. I felt serenity, comfort, love and peace.
Why do I make this so hard? It's here in front of me to grasp if I want it... Do I really want it?
May you be wiser than I and find the serenity, comfort, love and peace that you seek at this Christmas Season... MERRY CHRISTMAS!