Monday, October 19, 2009

Paying off!

Good things are going on and they come with lessons learned that are really helping out. Most of these things are where I'm focusing more on my wife and giving her the attention that she desires and being more open with her about the attention and desires that I need from her. In the past, we'd imply things but not really say anything and as would be expected, there would be misconceptions and miscommunications. Now, we are more direct and it is paying off.

And concentrating on things with her, working together with her around the house and in the garden; simple things like taking dancing lessons as a couple and then going dancing together - something we've never done, and then following up with spontaneous dancing in the living room or kitchen - is paying off. And it's a lot of fun. I didn't think that dancing would be so much fun and it is something that we've discovered after all these years of marriage that we enjoy doing together. She breaks into laughs and smiles warmly and affectionately when I take her in my arms and start dancing around the house. Wow, why didn't I do that two decades ago?

Being open to touch. Reaching out instead of pulling way. Talking about touch. Willingness to be open to each other. Wow, little things have huge pay offs!

And getting away together. This one is never over-rated. The job stress (and lack of meaningful work and economic concerns) and the kids and the everyday stresses of life get in the way of each other. We've learned that planning and anticipating, working on a goal of getting away and then doing it - you know what? It really pays off! Even in these difficult times, it is worth every penny. We recently got away from everything for a week and it was an incredible blessing. We bonded and connected like never before. It was like the honeymoon that we never had. Sure I was distracted by the beautiful eye-candy of gorgeous guys around me (that will never go away and frankly it is a blessing to enjoy beautiful guys) but the focus never not so out of whack to keep me from remembering that I'm with my bride and I'm here to make her happy and she's doing the same for me. Wow, I wish we could do this every month... but alas, take it for what it's worth - it really has paid off!

All of this was triggered by my willingness to be more open and honest with her. We are still a long way from her being completely comfortable with where I am, but we are also not in the stalemate and stagnation of where we were.

For now, I am willing to hold off and the take a step back and to bring her along as she is ready to be brought, particularly in my arms, together, in a union of love and devotion and focus on each other.

In the process, I don't feel a huge need to blog a lot, and like Bravone, may take another step back from this community for a while, moreso than I already have in the last few months. I am not going away, but I want to learn from these lessons and enjoy the "pay off".

So, what do you think? Sorry that this isn't full of angst as usual (I'll work on that!) I am still very eager to receive your comments as always!