I wasn't going to post about this, but OneofsoMany recently said the following and it triggers a conflict currently burning inside me:
"I feel bad because I know I’ve tried to control him and direct his life. The intents were always good. I just want him to be and feel happy and help him through his struggles. It’s hard to back off and let him live and experience HIS life, make HIS choices and suffer HIS consequences. I try to always be there for him and hope he feels that I am, or at least try..."
I really can relate to this. Recently, Tim and I spoke about a situation that he's in where there are some money issues which has led to some debt that he needs to pay off. As a result, some of his plans for the near future may have to be put on hold - good plans, good things, righteous desires, etc.
Naturally, because of my close, brotherly relationship with him (and because I'm in love with him on several levels), I find my desires to get out my checkbook and write off his debts are almost overwhelming me. To his credit, he has begged me NOT to do this... And yet, here I sit wanting so much to run to his bank and make a deposit.
And I ask myself, why? Isn't it good to have friends to come to your aid in times of need? Aren't I trying to be helpful - is that bad? I don't want anything in return - I've even mentioned that for the sake of his pride, he could consider it a loan and pay me off when he's rich and famous.
But, he wants to learn and go through this and work his way out of it. So far, I've resisted the urges to step in and take away this learning opportunity from him - and it's hard - because I can. I have the means to step in and erase all his debts... and I want so much to do so.
So, do I step back and let my dear indescribable good friend "struggle", and be a good friend by just "being there"? Or do I bail him out? I mean, it's Christmastime, right? "Good will toward men" and all that good cheer?
And the really tough rhetorical question of the day: Do I feel this overwhelming desire to assist him out of his struggles and bail him out, not because of my love for him, but to help me ease my guilt because of my love for him???