Sunday, August 24, 2008

More insights at Church...

Actual things you learn in Priesthood Quorum....

Women (W) equal money (M) and time(T); or W = M x T

And everyone knows that time is money; or T = M

Thus; W = M x M or money squared.

And we all know that money is the root of all problems (P); or M = sq. root of P

Thus; women equal problems; or W = P.

* * * * * *

Though done flippantly, this was an actual part of the Priesthood lesson...

As much as I emphasis here my attraction for men and all the complications that go with that in a marriage with a straight wife coping with a gay husband, may I say that if it weren't for my wife and the support she has been for me and the love and commitment she has shown me unwaveringly, I am convinced that I would not be the man I am today. Despite regrets and compromises to make this work, I am a witness that my "W" in the above equation does not equal "P" as the problems I have are not caused by her or equate to her. She is my strength. She is my joy.

I have told others that if it weren't for her coming into my life and my being in the situation I was in at the time (read "naive"), and my "falling in love with her" (the only woman I have ever been in love with or remotely attracted to), I don't think I would have ever married. It's a miracle that we are together and I recognize that we are together as best friends through it all. She still loves me more now than ever, despite the heartache I've caused her. And I'm still "falling in love" with her...

I thank God for this miracle in this gay man's life.

It is possible.

It can happen.

We are going to make this work!
P.S. I did wear my blue shirt and green tie (Thanks Max Power for the MOHO uniform tradition) as a form of internal rebellion of sorts! It felt liberating!


Samantha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Samantha said...

But...did you tell the old farts in priesthood meeting that? Because they have no problem dishonoring women (p.s. my salary doubles my husband's--so don't give me that crap about women costing more money), when it seems so many more real problems could be addressed--like how many of the wives are on anti-depressants because they feel undervalued and many of them hold full-time jobs but still do the bulk of child rearing, housework, and food prep for the household because it's their god-given (notice the lower-case--ON PURPOSE) "role".

Thanks, Beck, for seeing your wife as a person. But I truly, truly, hope you spread the word.

Serendipity said...

(aka, Dicho's wife. Yes, I've started a blog!)

I love the math problem! Thanks! I've seen it before, although I think the male student that showed it to me used the word "evil" instead of "problems." lol

I'm glad that you had a good experience at church today.

I was going to comment on your post yesterday that I too was looking forward to church today. We purposely missed last week (to get away and celebrate our anniversary), and the break was nice, but I really felt the spirit today and was very happy and peaceful being there. I have really been able to focus on the blessings in my life today. It seemed that the words to every hymn, the words in every song at choir practice testified of my Heavenly Father's love for me and for each of us. He is so mindful of every aspect of our lives. He DOES work miracles and it IS possible and we will make it work!

Thank you for helping me continue on my spiritual high from the day despite the anxiety of school starting tomorrow looming in the background!

Abelard Enigma said...

Thus; women equal problems; or W = P.

God created the world and He rested.
God created man and He rested.
God created woman, and neither God nor man have rested ever since

Sorry, I couldn't resist :) Please don't hurt me

Samantha said...

When I create my world, Abelard, you will be the first man to endure nine months of pregnancy. I've asked God for the favor. She said yes.

Silver said...

You know it isn't easy to keep up with all the activity of the blogosphere. I just finished every post (all 29 I believe) on your "Inevitability" post. Interesting discussion!

I am happy to hear you express faith in and gratitude for your marriage.

I have had the thought that more than 50% of marriages fail for whatever reason. I mentioned this to my wife who reminds me that for MOMs that number goes up above 85%. I'm sure that is understandable, but there are many variables and it is a very personal and private struggle for each of us so I frankly find the statistics to be irrelevent for my private situation.

What matters is where the two of us are and that I strive to be attentive, fair, faithful, and thoughtful of her needs. I need to assert my own needs while still respecting her's and avoiding codependency which for me is meeting her needs in unhealthy ways and for the wrong reasons.

As I think of my friends who are also in MOMs; I must admit that these are very difficult journeys and that few are free of infidelity of some sort and excruciatingly painful discussions, conflicts, therapies and agonizing days spent on bended knee on the part of both spouses in trying to understand the hows and whys of SSA.

It's been a three year process for us since we began discussion of the issues. They have been mostly agonizing and deeply painful for both of us; yet now and especially during this past year we are somewhat at peace and a new dialoge has emerged wherein we can converse without conflict; listen to each others ideas respecfully and reach out to each other with patience and understanding. There is a new acceptance and a forgiveness that is breathing new life into our relationship. I am hopeful for you and for me Beck.

I think it is helpful to remember that struggle in marriage is not exclusive to the Moho community. I know many "straight" friends with deep struggles in their own marriages. Regardless of orientation I think it is a fact of life that all relationships pass through their own crucible and evolution.

While our struggles are less socially acceptable the solutions may in fact not be all that unique or special when compared with other relationships or life choices.

I believe the principles of love, respect, fidelity, honor,selflessness, patience, humility, compassion, virtue, devotion, sacrifice and charity are universal and can span a wide variety of maladies. These principles and others as taught by the Savior can heal wounds and bridge a great many barriers.

Beck said...

SAM: I could have predicted that you would have been the first to respond to this one. And yes, I'm "spreading the word"!

ABELARD: Do you really have to throw fuel on the fire? Now I've got quarreling again in the back seat of my red convertible! Do I have to separate you two?

Beck said...

DIP: Welcome to my blog as another great personality. I, too, feel blessed. Sometimes we can be so consumed in the difficulties life presents that we fail to see the goodness and blessings that fill our lives if we'll stop and see them. I'm encouraged that you'll be able to use your new blog to write down these blessings as you gain insights into making your MOM work.

And having another voice from the straight point of view is welcomed!

Beck said...

SILVER: You gotta keep up, man! :)

Just kidding... I've been blogging too much lately and maybe I should lay off for a bit and take a breather.

The "inevitability" of failure is only if we choose to make it so. I agree that statistics and odds are against those like us, but those statistics are not indicative of our future.

For some, getting out of the MOM is the first step into success of a life fully lived. I fully believe that and accept that and honor that. I may still come to that point (and I don't rule it out as a possibility) but from this current point of view, I'm going to try to fully live within the family of which I'm a part - finding ways to fully breathe and be alive with passion just the same!