Sunday, August 10, 2008

Just a midlife crisis?

"Low riders, Bill? Why don't you buy a sports car like every other man going through mid-life crisis?"

In the Deseret News on Thursday, there was an article by Mormon author Orson Scott Card "Science on gays falls short" which argues that gay marriage is not an idea to be taken seriously, essentially because scientific evidence of the causes of homosexuality insisting that it is not a "choice" is inconclusive.

I can understand a Deseret News article written by a famous Mormon author taking such a stance, though I'm not sure it has anything to do with furthering the cause of understanding the pros or cons of gay marriage. However, when Card goes into the realm of married gays, I have to question if he really knows what he is talking about, or is he just being belligerent and biased.

He states about people like me (MOHO MOMs):

"Ever since 1973, the homosexuality normalizers have done their best to avoid pointing out the prevalence of what is called "bisexuality", but which might just as easily be called "indeterminacy". A large number of men and women marry and conceive children before (at the age of a normal midlife crisis) they discover or reveal that they "were always" homosexual.

"Obviously, whether or not they were fantasizing a different partner, they successfully mated and reproduced. This makes hash of the doctrines of inevitability".

I guess people like me who came out later in life, who have been married, and who have children (though for some of us MOMs this wasn't possible - but that's another subject), have done so because we've CHOSEN to express ourselves in this new way as the result of a midlife crisis!

Is that why I'm here? Is this what this is all about? I thought it was because of a society and culture that brainwashed me into thinking that there was no such thing as a GAY MORMON and to shun all thoughts (and be ashamed for even having them) and to get married (and hope they'll just go away) and just live in that closet over there (for we really don't want to know that you exist) and oh, by the way, if you do come out, it is easily explained as a CHOICE brought on by a midlife crisis!

I think I'm going to scream...

I don't have to wonder why members of the Church are so ignorant of people like me. They devoutly read the church-sponsored newspaper spouting such statements by a popular author as "the truth". There is no effort to expound on any counter points (as would be expected with good journalism) and the casual reader is left convinced that people like me in our society and culture just don't exist and that if we inconvenienty by chance do make ourselves known, well, we're just confused because of a midlife crisis we're going through - nothing to be taken seriously.

Now why didn't I think of that? I think I'll bag this angst gig with this blog - trying to figure out why I've allowed this to go on so long - and head out and get me that red sports car after all. What do you think?


Chedner said...

I would definitely go with the car... but that's just me, and I'm not quite nearing my midlife... maybe I'm going through a 'pre-midlife crisis' ... ?

(p.s. If it's any help, the concept of a 'midlife crisis' is presently rejected by general psychology.)

A.J. said...

Orson Scott Card is a tool. There I've said it....he has made very harsh statements about homosexuals in the past. I used to read his books not anymore.

Samantha said...

If you get the car, will you let me drive it sometime? Please?

Dichotomy said...

This week's OSC article was better than the one of a couple of weeks ago, where he argued that there should be a public uprising against the government if same-sex marriage is legalized.

This article is actually only the second of three, I believe. A few weeks ago he wrote one stating that same-sex marriage was a bad thing, and promising three follow-up articles explaining his reasoning. So there's still one more to come.

If you're interested in reading them, they're the July 3, July 24 and Aug 7 articles at Mormon Times.

OSC is well-known for his bigoted and inflammatory stance on homosexuality. He bristles when people call him a homophobe, but I don't understand how that term can't apply to him.

In a recent review of "Mamma Mia" he blasts the fact that the movie uses a gay character as a sort of comic relief, claiming that he would never treat a gay character in one of his novels with such contempt. It's true. Some of his novels do have gay characters, and they are fully developed and treated fairly. It's too bad he doesn't think that gay people in real life deserve the same respect.

I do agree that it's irresponsible "journalism" to post his point of view without a rebuttal or counterpoint. I hope that the more intelligent saints recognize that his is an opinion column.

(Am I old enough to be considered "midlife"? Wish I could afford that car.)

Robert said...

Hey late night blogger. I think the sports car is a great idea...if you like speed, go for it.

That's really disappointing that such lame and ignorant articles come from and are placed in otherwise good sources. Since my mission. I've come to the conclusion that you can NEVER accept news or journalism at face value or allow it to form your conclusions about the world. I served in Serbia and saw things happen then read about them in the news and that awoke me to the sad bias in what I had previously thought was fair reporting. I guess that lds journalism and writing is the same. Everyone has an agenda and that's the first place to look when determining how to interpret an article.

Not that you didn't already know that stuff... I don't think that the above applys to the Ensign, New Era, or Friend or confrence talks. Those aren't exactly news or journalism. The quotes from OSC make me want to ask him, "Are you for real?" I've wanted to ask that of a few people. To them I just want to say, "Open up a little, there is so much more world out there. If you're not aware to this part of humanity, I fear that you're not aware to a whole lot more." If they'd open up some, they'd find that there is so much more beauty than they had ever suspected. I think that good people are included in that - the "beauty." Being aware of the depth of experience, feeling, and life of other individuals in probably the most beautiful things I've ever experienced - be these people seemingly righteous or in prison. Anywhere there are these beautiful people. I hope that this poor chap, OSC, figures this out.

Your definately in with these good, beautiful people. I'd have to say that I don't think the sports car would help out much.


Silver said...

Comments like those of OSC are precisely why I don't come out to the general public. They have no real clue what we deal with and they have no patience and desire to expend the time to know us for who we truly are.

Robert said:
"Being aware of the depth of experience, feeling, and life of other individuals in probably the most beautiful things I've ever experienced"

This is beautifully expressed. Since coming out into the community and meeting eye to eye the other men, MOM's and Mohos in my community I have been blessed with the most beautiful and tender friendships of my life. I am more understood, supported and deeply loved than I ever imagined possible. I do not try to make this cross cultural barriers. I don't hold out aspirations that my neighbors, family or ward members will really have a good understanding of it. After all, it took years for me to arrive at this point of view and to understand myself. Some journeys are just longer and more difficult than others.

Glad to walk this road with all of you good men.

Samantha said...

Glad to walk this road with all of you good men.

Sniff...feeling sorely snubbed...may have to boycott Beck's blog for awhile...

Beck said...

CHEDNER: I like the car as well... I recently rented a red convertible Mustang. Does that count? When I told my wife, she immediately said "So your midlife crisis is kickin' in again?"

And you're not calling me old, are you?

AJ: I'm becoming convinced that OSC is being used as a tool - giving his name as a type of "credibility" to such propaganda. The sad part is that I'm afraid his column is read with just that "credibility" notion in mind. It's sad.

SAM: I'm ready for a road trip! How about you?

Beck said...

DICHO: OSC always makes the point of mentioning how many gay friends he has and how open he is to them and how he hopes his unpopular stance on homosexuality won't be taken personally. It plays to gentility and love, but it comes across as sickening! I can't wait for his next installment.

As for the car, do you want to join me and Samantha on the road trip?

Beck said...

ROBERT: It's true that the closer you are to a story, the more you realize how "wrong" they paper gets it. It makes you remember that when you don't know much about the article's subject, you need to take it with a grain of salt.

It's just sad the way the Deseret News is promoting these articles. I know they are "opinion pieces", but they are placed in prominence in the Mormon Times section by a prominent author in a way that portrays the aura of "official stance of the Church".

We are better than this. Can't I hope for better than this?

SILVER: Comments like those of OSC are precisely why I don't come out to the general public. They have no real clue what we deal with and they have no patience and desire to expend the time to know us for who we truly are."

So how do we fight back? How do we retaliate against such opinions based on ignorance of us "midlife boys"? It's as if people really think that I came out to my wife late in our marriage because I was worried about missing out on the joys and experiences of my younger days? Or that I really want to experience the flings of the "other side" before it's too late? Is this what this is all about?

It is so hurtful to see my life portrayed so flippantly and insensitively. I know I deserve no better as I continue to dwell in the closet, but the uncorrected statements of people "like me" are tolerated for that very reason. By being so cruel and hurtful, the bullies like OSC (who get the podium of authority unchecked) get away with applause and adulation in bullying and belittling MOMs who come out to their spouses in midlife. I can't emphasize how frustrating this is!!!

The opinions of the Church membership are shaped by such articles. Your hope for acceptance within this cultural setting ain't goin' to happen any time soon with this type of propaganda.

What's to be done? When the bully has the pulpit how is such garbage countered?

Beck said...

SAM: Don't be mad at me! I didn't say it - go after Silver. And SILVER: Remember that we have dear sisters reading my blog as well that we love and fully embrace!!!

Sam, I love you and hope you'll always be part of my blog. Still ready to take that road trip??? :)

Samantha said...

Of course! You bring the salty snacks, I'll bring the sweet ones. That way we can fit into a hetero female/male stereotype. And you can teach me which guys are attractive (Still working on that one. Darrin says it's okay if I never learn).

Kengo Biddles said...

I vote you go for a Porsche, though...I like them better than Corvettes.

And as for OSC - and pundits in general - I agree with's comments like these, by closed minded people who really don't know what they're talking about that drive me nuts.

Now, granted, I think there's truth to the fact that it's not something we can't overcome...look at the number of us that have engaged in a marriage, and are committed to it.


Can I come on the road trip? I can ogle everyone, since I'm more toward the middle of the road... ;)

Damon said...

I love a good roadtip. Beck, you're going to need an RV instead of a sports car. LOL!

And Samantha you and I can sit in back and I'll help you figure out who all the hot guys are. You probably don't need to know but it will be fun for me!

As for OSC...I echo what everyone else has said. It's silly to even entertain the ideas that he's throwing out there. He shouldn't have any credibility where this issue is concerned. He's not a scientist or a genetisist. He's the author of fiction, and clearly he's an expert at that.

It's a cheap shot to use his limited celebrity to try and denounce the rights of some Americans to marriage.

Beck said...

SAM: I don't want Darrin to be mad at me pointing out to you the finer features of the male persuation that are hot, but I actually think it would be quite fun, particularly in our red midlife crisis convertible porsche! :)

And yes, everyone else is invited along, though the back seat is going to get awfully crowded.

BTW, anyone up for the road trip needs to prove that they are gay only because they "discover or reveal that they 'were always' homosexual" after years of denial. After all, such a discovery makes sense with the timing of a midlife crisis.

Beck said...

KENGO: I'm impressed that you knew it was a Corvette in the photo. I selected the photo because I personally liked the architectural background - how gay is that?

I love Italian sports cars... Ferrari anyone?

As for joining the road trip - it's my road trip for my midlife crisis so if I'm helping Sam with the finer features of male beauty, let's don't complicate things with the other gender. :)

Beck said...

DAMON: You may say it's a "cheap shot", yet the Deseret News does not put any qualifiers to his spouting of misbeliefs as facts. What bothers me the most is that he gets away with it and I don't write a letter to the editor because his prevailing attitude has put me in such a losing proposition that he knows I can't say anything.

Is anyone out there willing to write a rebuttal to OSC and see if Deseret News will publish it? I'm obviously too confused in my midlife crisis to think "straight" - no pun intended.

Silver said...


I am deeply sorry for not including you. I of all should know better. I have a gay sister.

Heard you speak at the conference last Sept., and was deeply touched by your comments, but have never been priveledged to speak with you in person. I hope to know you better in the future. Maybe on the roadtrip, but we'll need something bigge than a corvette!

Beck has spoken highly of you as well. I stand corrected. Please forgive me.

And thanks Beck for pointing out my error. I didn't even realize it was me!

Thankful for good women and men who understand this struggle.

Samantha said...


Thanks, you guys. Yay for roadtrips! And Darrin is thinking he might want to come, too. He can drive while you ogle and explain.

Beck said...

Relieved to get this family squabble behind us.

Now for a new one: Darrin ain't going to drive! This is my midlife crisis, remember? So I'm driving and I'm cruisin' with my wonderful friends helping me through this difficult confusing time of my life where I've revealed suddenly that I've "always been" gay.

BTW, do you see any grey hair? Should I get it bleached? :)