The family rented the movie "Penelope" this week. It was a fun, light flick that my kids enjoyed. This is not a recommendation of this silly fairy tale movie, but there was a message that hit home that I'm sure the screenwriter, director, and producer never intended.
In my eyes, I saw the message to be that I, this confused gay Mormon boy, must come to terms with myself and love me for who I am, without desiring to be someone else, or to be changed from what I have no control over, or to be worried about what others see in me or think of me. I saw her pig-snout face as a symbol of my homosexuality... something that is a part of me as much as the nose on my face.
I have come to realize that I really do like myself as I am (I'm still working on loving myself - a long way to go there...), but I'm still very fearful of what others see in me or think of me. How can I live a productive, full, fulfilled life, fully "vibrating" (as Elbow says), if I'm constantly worried about what others may think if they really knew "all" about me. It's no big deal. I'm still me. I'm still who I am.
But the image of the photo above, reacting to the revelation of my "truth" speaks volumes as to how fearful I still am of what others may think.
I don't know how to get past this... and move on... and live.