Sometimes you hear things that your spouse (or friend, parent, family member etc.) says to others with you standing there and it seems innocent enough when taken at face value, but when you think about it, it hurts inside. It wasn't intended to be "personal" or reflecting negatively on you, per se, but all the same it does. But, you let it bounce off and you don't say anything, but you still feel the hurt. Should you just get over it, toughen up and get on with life and stop being such a sensitive drama queen?
Case in point: On Sunday, I heard a discussion between the Bishop and my wife about how Dumbledore's sexual orientation came up in a Young Women discussion in class, and how it was used, as a result, by my wife, since it was brought up by the girls, to point out the willing acceptance by the world at large for evil.
Now I don't really care about JK Rowling's motives for revealing her character's orientation in the way she did. That is not the discussion point here. What is the point is how my wife interpreted the event and associated the acceptance of such an orientation by the world as being an acceptance of "evil". Somehow this has begun to fester inside me and make me "hurt" inside.
I know when she says this, she is referring to the "gay lifestyle" and / or the "gay way" as some call it, and in a teaching situation of moral aptitude for young women in a church setting, she is making a point of distinction between the "gospel way" and the "world's way". I get that. I understand it. I've been in that situation as a teacher as well (though now that I am more assure of myself, I don't think I'll allow such comments to pass in such a teaching opportunity in the future - though having said that, in front of the Bishop, I reverted back to my position of "saying nothing").
But I can't help but wonder:
1. Does she really feel that simply being "oriented that way" is "evil"?
2. Does she feel that applauding one's "coming out" even as a fictional character, is supporting "evil"?
3. Does she feel that my thoughts, my feelings, my attractions are "evil"?
4. Does she feel that this blog is "evil"?
5. Am I "evil" for associating with and applauding others in their "orientation choices"?
It has made me wonder that she is fine with me being "gay" as long as I don't do anything about it. She can accept me as her "gay" husband as long as I never even use the word or mention it again...
I feel very hurt and confused right now... Don't tell me to talk to her because I can't right now. We have bigger concerns to deal with (that are beyond the scope of this post or this blog) than my confused feelings. Pretending that it doesn't bother me is much easier, don't you agree? After all, I need to toughen up and stop being so sensitive, right?