The average age of this blogging community is probably in the mid 20s, I would guess. There are some younger and a few of us older. Of "us" older bloggers, there are examples of various paths that have been chosen, taken, lived - that reflect a variety of expressions of what it means to be gay AND Mormon (whether culturally, spiritually, religiously or otherwise). These examples are out there for the 20-somethings and younger generation to look at and see as models of what "not to do" or as models of "that could work for me", etc.
I don't pretend to be a model for anyone - this isn't my point. What I'm getting at is: I don't see examples of gay married Mormon men who are twenty or thirty years older than me, that I can look to as models of what "not to do" or as models of "that could work for me", etc. I just see a void, an unknown... a path that I'm sure others like me have trodden, but they haven't expressed in any open fashion what they learned and went through along the way. They are silent. This generation before me did not and does not talk about what is discussed in this blogging community. And for the most part, they don't blog. And maybe that's a good thing...
But I long to hear stories and examples and experiences of older men who are still happily married after 50 years, who have remained faithful to the Church and devoted to their wives, and who are completely and undoubtedly GAY to the core through it all. Or, I want to hear stories and examples and experiences of older men who finally decided they couldn't make it - it isn't possible - there is no hope and they've gone off into the sunset in other paths. Do such men in either case exist?
The youngin's of this community have a ton of compatriots to pull from. There is a shared openness and community. And undoubtedly, the generation to come (both in and out of the Church) will have an even more inviting community in which to be engaged. The society at large has allowed for them to pull together and be together and discuss more openly "their issues". And, they have examples of those a generation ahead of them who struggled and are struggling through a much more closed society and lack of openness that have allowed some to inadvertently or unconscientiously "delay" their outing and openness.
But, just as I exist, there must be others ahead of me that exist. But where?
For the most part, I find images of older gay men revolting! I find the thought of images of me becoming an older gay man revolting! The media doesn't show this, for the most part - thank goodness - as the images of young 20-somethings frolicking on the beach together are much more pleasing to the eye... but that's beside the point...
Especially in the Church, is there a gay faithful Mormon man married 50 years that has done it? Is it possible to hold on? Does it get easier with time? Or do we all eventually get divorced, commit suicide, or otherwise disappear as a dying breed?
I'd be interested in the "youngin's" perspective, because believe it or not, you'll all be there someday..... (SCREAM!!!!!!) :)