Sunday, November 12, 2006
What's going on?
I promised I wouldn't freak out, but this is freakin' me out!
Friday afternoon I wasn't in the office. HE called and wanted to see me. NOTE: Okay, I'm going to give him a name... I'll call him "Tim", but Tim is the same HE of previous posts (for those who even care and are following along), the same guy I'm very close to, the guy I'm trying NOT to get too close to, the guy who broke my ribs during the summer, the guy who saved my life on a cliff jumping boating trip, the guy who I hugged and kissed (on the neck) in the garage, etc. Anyway, Tim said he needed to make copies. I told Tim I wasn't going to be in for the rest of the day, but that the door should be open and he should make himself available to whatever office needs he had. I didn't hear anything more and frankly didn't think much more about it.
I went into the office on Saturday (yesterday) and found "friendly love notes" on stickies all over my office, at the computer, at the copier etc. He had obviously been there. One drew a "heart" and his name. What does this mean? It started freakin' me out. I got excited. I didn't call him. I decided it was a joke or just a friendship way of him saying "thanks".
I had a hard time sleeping last night.
This morning I went to church and he wasn't in priesthood. I looked but no sign of him. In one way I was miffed. In another way, I was pleased to NOT have seen him and have to deal with him. But if I were honest, my heart sunk a notch. (Since our "relationship" is so non-existent (at my request / and at the request of my wife / and out of respect for her), our "seeing" each other sometimes comes down to bumping into each other at Church).
I didn't see him in SS nor Sacrament Meeting. We sat up front so maybe he was in back. At the end of the block I had to stay after. That's when I saw him go into a meeting. I wondered if he saw me. After my meeting, I left the chapel and there he was talking to someone. I smiled but kept walking down the corridor.
Before I knew it, he was on top of me, tickling me, and throwing me into the HP Group Leader. At 6'-6", 230 lbs of lean athletic muscle, it's hard to shake him. We looked into each other's eyes. He was all smiles today, unlike a couple of weeks ago. We hugged full body, falling into each other's necks as we are now very comfortable in doing very naturally. We held each other for a while. I felt so good and peaceful in his arms!
I gave him a hard time about the notes. He grinned.
I had to go. That was it. Nothing more. All innocent.
So, why, if it's so "innocent", am I sitting here with school-boy anxiety going on in my butterfly-filled stomach? Why is my heart beat racing? I'm positive Tim doesn't know what he's doing inside me. I'm certain of it. I'm sure it's just good-natured friendship. Right?
So why am I all in knots?
I think I need to sell my house and move to another state!