Wednesday, November 08, 2006


What is it about oceans that draws me to them? Why do I feel peace when I'm in there?

I needed peace this last weekend. So I flew to the ocean. Just for the weekend. It was extravagant, but I needed to do it. I'm drawn to the magical healing powers of the ocean. As much as my "angst" has decreased in the last couple of months, even to the point that I was considering changing the name of my blog to "Beck's Deminished Angst", or "Beck's Angst Held in Balance", or even "Beck's Sense of Peace Despite His Angst", I know I'm still not THERE yet as I need to get away, run away, hide, escape... whatever you want to call it. In fact, when I'm not very practical or prudent, I'd like to find a way to live my life where I could escape all the time. If I were truly getting in control of my life, my gaydom, my marriage, my ability to serve others and my God, if I were truly in touch with myself, I don't think I'd be taking these "escapes".

No, truly I'm not in control.
I'm very NOT all together. So, I seek to escape, to run away...

Oceans give me that "escape" treatment to my soul. (Maybe it's because I wasn't raised around them, being from Utah, and the Great Salt Lake, as magical as it can be with a late summer sunset, its notorious lake-stink kind of destroys the imagery).

Oceans restore my spirits.

Mountains do too.

I love God's creations!

Now if I could only learn to love me as one of His creations...


Loyalist (with defects) said...

"Now if I could only learn to love me as one of His creations... "

therein lies both the answer and the rub.

I grew up near the ocean. I have to agree with you, it is a wonderful place to find tranquility.

Kengo Biddles said...

...I miss the Pacific Coast... :(

I got to spend a summer in the Santa Barbara was heaven. I'd walk down to the beach after work and just sit there for a few hours. *sigh*. Next time you go, Beck, will you take me, too? ;)

Beck said...


anytime, man.... anytime! I'm always game for another ocean vista trip.