I was going to blog about the trigger that went off in my head for my current gay pon farr, but have decided to delay that post a few days...
Instead, I want to point out, at least to myself, how grateful I am for the Sabbath, how healing and soothing and refreshing the Sabbath is to the soul. The nine hours of service, and offering encouragement, genuine kindness, warm smiles, affectionate hugs, fellowship, blessings, settings-apart, brotherhood hitting and sisterhood embracing, confidence-building, widow-assisting, etc., the opportunity to fast with a purpose and to end the fast with a kneeling prayer and confirmation of the Lord watching over my family and kids. It's such an amazing and simple thing.
So, how do I post one day about running around in a speedo, or even less, and feeling so conflicted, and then the next day I post something like this? Well, it's complicated, and it remains so!
In a real sense, I'm just as much the one boy as I am the other. I get caught up in my attractions and become wigged out over so many things, and then I have a day each week where it all comes back into perspective. This weekly ritual of leaving the worries behind, coming to the altar and renewing the spirit, and reconnecting with what is important - the basics of service, kindness, selflessness - they all come together in a merciful and grace-filled way.
4 comments:
It is so interesting to me that I can post an entry on naked guys wrapped in a flag, thinking it immature and inappropriate to do so, and I get half a dozen comments back...
Meanwhile, I post a reflective calm post about the Sabbath with a photo of a sunset that I took in the Carribean and get absolutely no response!
Now what's up with that?
Maybe I should post more photos of naked guys to get responses and be less reflective?
Or better yet, maybe I should post photos of me in my speedo on that beach? hehe...
On second thought, that idea may turn everyone away from ever posting again on my blog!
Beautiful photo, Beck. Did you take it? I'm so glad that the Sabbath renews you. I haven't felt that renewal in a long time. Even when I do go to church, it is not usually uplifting and encouraging, just frustrating.
Maybe I should come to your ward! :)
SARAH: If you came to my ward you would probably find the same set of characters that you'd find in any ward. But I do feel there is a good feeling in my ward and I am uplifted by being there.
What you would find is me! I am not the same at church as I am (was) at your home. I am outgoing and friendly and gregarious and fun-loving and touchy-feely and anything but reserved. I don't know why, but I get turned on and tuned in and feed off the energy of it all.
I am sorry that you are so frustrated, and not uplifted. I am so sorry that the frustration comes right now in many forms. I'm so sorry that your leaders have been pretty jerky in the way they've treated you and Scott. However, I can promise you that certain leaders in my ward would most definitely not treat you that way!
I'm not there yet where I've got it all figured out... I don't really think I'll ever figure this out. But I do feel uplifted and renewed and and feel myself trying to extend myself and being a more real and natural person. I've given up the pretenses of some who don't "get me". Hey, I don't get me so how can I expect others to?
Big Beck hugs...
p.s. And yes, I took the photo...
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