Once upon a time...

Once upon a time...

There were two guys that met on line through a blogging community. Both were middle-aged, greying and balding, and nothing particularly spectacular about either. Both felt unique and different, somehow apart from others in their lives. Both were confused and isolated from the world around them, disconnected in similar ways from their religion, from their families, from friends, from associates. You see, both were faithful members of the LDS church, both were faithfully married to their respective wives for nearly three decades, and both were faithful fathers of young adult children... Oh, and both were gay!

These two guys met and found that they had a lot in common, and where one was weak in a certain area, the other was strong, and where one was strong, the other was not as strong and they found their similar circumstances, backgrounds, ages, strengths and weaknesses drew them together as they found their unique uniquenesses a source of joy and a foundation of a unique friendship.

Over time, this friendship developed into a sense of brotherhood. They were bonding and the connection with another person who accepted them for who they were, not the facade they had grown accustomed to living, made them feel more whole and complete, if not for the first time in their lives, at least for the first time in a long time.

This bonding brought forth a discussion of "boundaries" and what is appropriate for a friendship between two gay guys that are faithfully married, faithful to their children, and faithful to their religious covenants and belief systems. Just the fact that such discussions of "boundaries" were being discussed showed a level of maturity in their relationship. They were, after all, adults.

One day, circumstances being what they were, these two married MOHOs went off into the woods for a hike - not just any hike, but a life-changing hike. They were treading on sacred ground, and both knew it. The air was crisp and clean from a morning rain; the sun brilliant and invigorating. They opened up their hearts to each other, shared experiences, and commented on the uniqueness of events that brought them together. They embraced and snuggled together on a rock overlooking the valley below. There was touch, and a few simple kisses on the cheek that wouldn't be seen as abnormal or even unusual between two close friends in any other culture but the one they found themselves in.

As they descended the mountain, they wondered where this friendship was going? Was this just a bromance between two guys? What was the next step? Had boundaries been crossed? Should such a friendship exist and could it be maintained, nurtured and strengthened within the boundaries they had set between themselves? And could such a friendship become something that their wives could embrace and see as necessary and good and essential?

One might judge and say this is wrong, or this is playing with fire, or this is fooling oneself - that nothing good will come of it. Another might see it as a step of self-validation, a path toward authenticity and freedom from life-long held guilt. Still another might determine that such a relationship cannot or should not exist without explicit approval and authorization from the spouses. And still another might see a path less taken that may be of great value and significance. And each would possibly be right...

One might see this as just a silly, adolescent fairy tale of a wishful, dreamy-eyed but pathetically confused MOHO.

I wish it were a silly, adolescent fairy tale...

but it isn't...

It's true...