Did I tell you that I absolutely hate stupid ward parties that try to have some "gospel purpose" of service or social interaction with those you don't want to be social with and really amount to nothing but everyone coming out of obligation?
Tonight is "Trunk-or-Treat" night at the ward. Children and adults alike will be dressing up. So, I decided that since I am gay and since I can't "be" gay, then at least I can "pretend to be" gay. And what better time than at Halloween where inhibitions are thrown out the window and we can become our alter-egos?
I love my low-rise jeans! I love the way they make me feel. I like that I CAN wear them! At first I was embarrassed to wear them, but when no one said anything about them, I decided they were no big deal and I could get away with wearing them after all. So I'm going to wear my low-rise jeans really low, along with my super tight Italian muscle-sleeveless shirt (I've been working out on my upper arms and not nearly as ashamed of them as a few months ago - still a long way to go, but at least now they've got some shape and cut to them), my hooped earrings in each ear, guyliner and a touch of manscara on, and my hair messed in a faux mohawk.
If anyone asks "what" I am, I'll say that I'm a confused-gayboy-looking-for-a-boyfriend (which is the truth), kind of like an ironic coming out. And, if I chicken out, then I guess I can say that I'm a guy-in-the-middle-of-a-serious-midlife-crisis. Since my wife and kids are out of town and I'm stuck going anyway (because I have one of those obligation assignments to fulfill), all the more reason to go for it!
So what do you think? Should I do it?
It's so pathetic that I am so dishonest with who I am, that I'm reduced to this thought process of adolescent game-playing manifestation of a serious crisis boiling inside me....