Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Certifiably Gay....



In the last post, Playa (who is the authority on most everything gay), declared, describing me:




"you are soooo gay!"




Thus, it must finally be true! I often have wanted to have some professional medical expert or doctor make such an irrefutable declaration, but when I've talked with them, it always seems to be determined by an evaluation of myself. That's like grading my own paper - what value is that? I've wondered when I would be declared certifiably gay, not partially gay, not a 4 on the Kinsey scale, but a complete and undeniable 6...




And now it has happened. Thanks, Playa...




Actually, this makes me wonder how many out there in my real life are just as convinced that I am "soooo gay", when I think that I'm hiding it so well. Or, how many would really be surprised if I were to out myself to them - or would it just be a big "ho-hum, no big deal - we knew that long ago" kind of thing.




A couple of months ago, I came across a fellow blogger in this community who knew me nearly 27 years ago (what are the odds???). We've since caught up with each other and discovered now how each of us is gay, married, with kids, and still active in the Church with testimonies to boot. When he finally realized who I was he said this about me:




"I just came across your blog a few days ago, but it didn't take too long to figure out (who you were)... Looking back you are so gay! I think it is funny now. I loved you then and I still do."




Thinking that I would be offended by the comment that I am "so gay", he offered this clarification:




"I felt bad about saying "you are so gay." I need to explain. When I say gay, I mean it for all the good things you and I understand is inherent with the gayness in us - the love, drama, excitement, creativity, closeness, exuberance, zest for culture, art, music, etc. I never thought at the time you were gay. You are such a loving endearing person, and I think that is how most people read you. Don't worry about it. You are who you are and people love you."




Actually, I took no offense. Instead, I was quite pleased. I'm totally fine with being "soooo gay". As it says, the truth will be declared by two or three witness... So, it's just nice finally to be certifiably gay.

20 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

Marci and I laugh and joke about how gay I am or am not.

I joke about it with my gay friends, too. I think it's nice to just BE.

And Beck, you really are sooooo gay. (Yet sooooo straight in other ways.)

Beck said...

Okay... so enlighten me (seeing that I'm so slow to figure myself out). Tell me how I'm "sooooo straight".

Kengo Biddles said...

1) You're married and have had kids by sexual reproduction
2) You're definitely NOT metro (although you're not mismatching your suit jacket and pants like Abelard... :D)
3) I'll have to think about others.

Beck said...

1. No, that isn't true.

2. I dress straight, though I do have low-rise jeans that I really, really love, especially how the fit on my hips - does that make me straight?

3. Good luck.

Damon In CO said...

Hey Beck,

Huh? #1. that Kengo listed isn't true...I am so confused.

I would have to admit you are so gay and I am even gayer.

I was surprised that almost no one was shocked when I came out of the closet. It was my big deep dark secret...that wasn't so much.

I dunno if that is true for you. I'd have to hang out with you to know and then I could tell you if your obvious.

But really...who cares! Like Kengo isn't it great just to BE?

Scott said...

1) You're married and have had kids by sexual reproduction

...

1. No, that isn't true.

...

Huh? #1. that Kengo listed isn't true...I am so confused.

Now you've confused everyone. :)

It's amazing how we assume things without even realizing that we're doing it, isn't it? I certainly assumed the same as Kengo until you told me otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Regarding #1

So I guess Beck is so gay but everyone else is not. You guys really need to work on your listening (I mean reading) if you want to be considered gay.

:-)

Beck said...

Some things I'm not prepared to discuss. But, to not confuse things any further, 1a (you're married) is true. 1b (you've had kids by sexual reproduction) is not true.

Let's leave it at that. I'm not prepared to discuss my kids here in this forum.

Beck said...

DAMON: I would be interested in knowing how many people would be surprised verses "ho hum". I bet a lot that really know me would already know (or at least the possibility had cross their minds).

When you got the "ho hum" reaction, did that disappoint you? I mean, weren't you expecting shock and awe and complete flabbergasted responses of "no way"? Or were you relieved that it wasn't a big deal after all and you wasted a ton of energy on worrying and fretting and hiding?

Scott said...

When you got the "ho hum" reaction, did that disappoint you? I mean, weren't you expecting shock and awe and complete flabbergasted responses of "no way"? Or were you relieved that it wasn't a big deal after all and you wasted a ton of energy on worrying and fretting and hiding?

I wondered this about my own reaction to my family's reaction to my coming out (see especially the 2nd to last paragraph).

A (MoHo) friend and his wife were reading that entry and his wife asked him "Does he want attention?"

I never did figure out whether I was pleased or disappointed at the lack of reaction, or whether my possible disappointment indicated a desire for attention.

playasinmar said...

aHEM the presiding judge in this case would like to say a few things.

First, you are sooo (certifiably) gay because you A) don't like kissing, B) haven't tried a passionate man-kiss, C) are completely unaware of the causation of "A."

Second,

"I've wondered when I would be declared certifiably gay, not partially gay, not a 4 on the Kinsey scale, but a complete and undeniable 6...

And now it has happened. Thanks, Playa..."


You're welcome. :)

Silver said...

Beck:

I feel compelled to share some thoughts on this. At the risk of sounding like a suck up, I wish to affirm you.

We gay men have endured a lot of teasings, put downs, shames and judgements over the years and we are often in need of affirmation and validation, especially by other men.

In the time I've known you, the bits of yourself you have shared with me and by simple observation; may I say that you are uncommonly and exceptionally, strong, connected and accomplished as a gay man.

In light of recent disclosures coupled with my previous knowledge of you; I respect you and honor you as a good and respectable man.

I honor your true intentions and your loyalty to those that you love and serve. I honor your integrity and dedication to your principles.

If that is "sooooo gay"; then I honor your gayness and I affirm and validate that fact that your gayness is indeed at the heart of your integrity and your power as a man.

If that is "sooooo gay" then I can only hope to be "sooooo gay" as well.

playasinmar said...

Okay, people. Settle down. there are only four Os in "soooo gay."

Bravone said...

Sai che ti voglio bene! Sei come un fratello. Sono grato d'aver trovarti.

Bravone said...

d'aver ti trovato! Who knows, I'm getting old.

Forester said...

I always get offended when someone questions how gay I am. As if being married with kids means we can't be gay (go figure).

Scott said...

I LOL when someone thinks that gay, married and parent can't go together. When my wife told a co-worker about me she was flabbergasted.

"But... how is that even possible? He married you... and you have kids...."

:)

Anonymous said...

Instead of "you are soooo gay", I get "are you sure you're gay?".

Last time I heard that comment was at a party hosted by a friend after he noticed I was wearing flip-flops.

On the "soooo gay" side, I do say Oops and no-no a lot like in "Oops, I didn't know flip-flops were a gay man fashion no-no."

Regards,
Philip

Damon In CO said...

Hey Beck,

When I started coming out I knew some people wouldn't be surprised. At first I was...confused by everyone's response which was typically "oh I suspected" or "I've always known" or "I can't say I'm surprised".

I don't think I was expecting dramatics except in the case of my parents, which I would have prefered none but which I got and still get.

I think when someone comes out it is very dramatic and emotional for the person. For the one coming out it's openly sharing a secret, its making yourself very vulberable in a way you never have before, it's admiting something you've worked so hard to deny.

Because it was so emotional for me I was initially confused by the fact that most people didn't have more emotion in their reactions.

I was very grateful to discover that I was still loved and accepted and that some of the dramatics I expected with my family never happened.

In many ways you do get attention and the attention can be nice. But ultimately whem people were ho hum about it I was confused because it was anything but ho hum for me.

I just wasn't aware that I was so transparent in my efforts to hide my secret.

~damon

Philip said...

Damon,

Could it be that the folks you were coming out to are not aware of what it is like in the closet because they have never spent time there much less thought about?

If so, maybe it was not a big deal to them because they were not aware of how big a deal it was for you to get out of the closet. But if they knew I bet they would be much more supportive. That's been my experience.

Regards,
Philip