There's a line in "Enchanted April" (yes, my favorite chick movie) that says something like:
"I see them as a couple. They can go forward now."
That line resonates this week as I found myself in an airport in California on a business trip.
As I've been known to do all too frequently, when I have a bit of extra time at an airport, I find myself "people-watching". I sit myself down in a good spot and watch the parade of travellers go by. And yesterday was no exception.
One over-the-top / in-your-face blatant and obvious gay couple caught my eye. At first I was appalled at how overly "gay" they were trying to be. I couldn't help but stare at them and I felt so distant and removed and even repulsed by their open display of their "lifestyle". But, then, as I observed the tenderness between them, at the same time, I was in awe of their willingness to have no worries about what others thought and they were "able to go forward". And my feelings of being appalled changed to feelings of envy. Isn't that interesting?
I then found a 20-something year old tall and beautiful, dark and handsome "Tim substitute" to stare at and study. He was so fresh and gorgeous. And I soon felt depressed about it because he was so beautiful and I knew that there was no way in Hell that I "could go forward". I couldn't go up to him and talk to him, get to know him, even say "hi" to him... There was no way.
I don't know that there's a profound point to any of this. I'm just a bit down right now. I hate the traveling that I'm doing in my job. And I feel a bit out of sorts with life as a whole.
I just don't feel like in my situation I can really "go forward" with anyone...