When I returned home from this most recent business trip, I immediately went off to a church meeting where we discussed priesthood quorum business and more importantly those within the quorum that needed particular attention and service. Yes, within an hour of being a gay-people-watching maniac stuck in airports in a funk, feeling so sorry for myself for the angst and anxiety of a "longing for someone - anyone - that I can't have, but it's fun to look anyway and wonder..." I immediately change hats and put on my "straight priesthood holder being asked to visit those in need..."
This duel hat-wearing is the story of my life. Whether it is right or wrong - I don't say - I just admit that that is what my life has become. Switching back and forth and back and forth.
But, as we discovered a dear quorum faithful brother has had a serious infection that has traveled to his heart this last week and has put him in intensive care in the hospital, and another dear quorum faithful relatively young brother whose brain tumor has now made him void of all short-term memory and he's been sent home to die, we immediately divided and set out to visit the families of these brothers and attend to their needs. Immediately there was such a different spirit about my life, about how GOOD and amazingly wonderful I really have it. Sure I've got this duel personality going on inside me and it's not healthy or positive, and sure I've got my issues of doubt, depression, and frustration because of my gayness and it's associated angsts, BUT, how insignificant my troubles and struggles really are in comparison to what others are currently going through! How I should get over myself and get on with it! Get over it and on with helping those who are truly suffering and in need of real assistance.
I'm just a whiner! A poor, pathetic, chronic whiner! I need to slap myself and wake up to the fact that I've been given great opportunities to help others... When we went out to visit and pay calls of support, it was amazing what feelings the spirit brought into my soul in exchange for this simple "sacrifice" of time. I totally and completely forgot about my traveling and gay-longing blues...
It's amazing how that happens, don't you think?
I just need to get over it and get on with it!