Saturday, February 17, 2007


I've been advised by some that I need to seek more age-appropriate relationships with men. My reaction to this is that I probably intuitively understand the reasoning behind that (same experiences in common, level of maturity, etc.) but, I don't feel a connection with those my age, at least not in the SSA manner that I'm attracted to in the 20-something group. Recognize the attraction, the excitement, the emotional bonding of the "relationship" with this age group is NOT sexual - but it is a strong attraction, nonetheless.

So if others see these age-inappropriate relationships of mine as inappropriate (say as many feel or at least point out the inappropriateness of other multi-generational relationships such as Demi Moore / Ashton Kutcher - which I don't see anything wrong with) then maybe there is something to it, or maybe not. Can there not be friendships, even emotional, spiritual, attraction-based friendships, that are of people not of the same generation? (Be it clear: I'm not proposing NAMBLA here or anything like unto it - heaven forbid). Or is any friendship of this multi-generational type forbidden, inappropriate and downright wrong?

Are we "allowed" in society's definition of appropriateness to have relations (even friendships) with those plus or minus 5 years of our own age before we start stepping into inappropriateness? Obviously so, or otherwise the comment wouldn't be made. I have cherished multiple, dear friendships with older widows who have loved me as close as their own son. Is this inappropriate?

I've mentioned that I hate the High Priest Quorum. I should say that isn't totally true. I love learning from the wisdom of these "older" men, but I feel alienated and distant from them. I don't see myself a part of them and their world. I don't want to bond with them, even really associate with them beyond the quorum Sunday obligatory meeting. I'd much rather be with the 20-something Elders Quorum. Why is that? Am I afraid of my own mortality? Am I fearful of getting old? Did I miss out on something when I was younger, aging too fast and becoming too serious, and now longing to return to my past to fill in the gaps of spontaneity, youth, and free-spiritedness? Am I going through a mid-life crisis?

Or are my age-inappropriate relations a pattern of where my same-sex attraction lies? And is there some reason why I'm NOT attracted in a gay manner with those my own age? Why is this?

I have no answers. I don't know that there are answers to any of these questions... but the fact that some raise them about me makes me wonder if I don't see the foolishness of my own actions. As far as I'm concerned, when my heart pounds with a bonding love for another consenting adult, I don't first check to see if he falls within 5 years of my birth date.


Samantha said... any friendship of this multi-generational type forbidden, inappropriate and downright wrong?

I hope not. Since I have friends 20 years older and equally younger, that would make me really sad.

Anonymous said...

a few years ago at a ward picnic, a 25-35 type guy came and greeted me with "hi brother lastname." he then immediately turned around to another 25-35'er and said, "hi john." bummer to be in that category. the only person i call "brother lastname" in the ward has to be close to 90 (WWII vet).

another time, after a 25-35'er had seen me on a running trail, he came up to me in church and said, "good for you, brother lastname"

so i have as much difficulty connecting with this group as I do with my age-peers.

i sort of agree with this idea of strenghtening relationships with peers, but easier said than done

Mormon Enigma said...

I don't have any answers. But, I relate with what you are saying. The sad fact is that I get along better with the young men in our ward better than I do the adults. Maybe I just haven't grown up yet myself.

Today I went to High Priest quorum meeting (the last time I went to Melchizedek PH meetings regularly we were studying the teachings of Brigham Young). The first thing I thought was, statistically, there is probably at least one gay person in the room. And, then I remembered "oh yea, that would be me". As the lesson continued, I looked around the room, and there wasn't a single person I felt any connection with. They are all good people and we are all friendly at church. But, beyond that, there is nothing.

Sometimes I envy the Relief Society sisters and all of their different social activities.