This summer has been filled with some pretty rough times with our young adult children - serious and difficult challenges for us and them to fight through and overcome. Sometimes when we are in the middle of these struggles it is hard to see where "it gets better", but we haven't given up hope.
On the way home from a family reunion the other night, my wife and I had time to ride in the car and contemplate the joys and challenges of our siblings and their young adult children, and we naturally fell into the comparison mode in measuring our childrens' joys and challenges against theirs. We shouldn't, but we couldn't help it. When you're in the middle of such a fight for survival of your children, it is a natural thing for parents to do.
There was a moment of silence and then my wife said soberly...
"Haven't we suffered enough? Why is this life so hard? I don't know how much more I can take. Is there anything good in my life?"
I smiled, and said, "Well, I can think of one thing that is good!"
"What's that?" she quietly asked.
"Well," I grinned, "you still have me. Through it all, I have chosen to stay. I have chosen to be with you to the end. I am still here at your side. I haven't left, despite it all, despite my attractions, my bromantic desires, my physical needs... I am still here with you to help you through these hard times with our kids... together. And I'm not going anywhere!"
She took my left hand from the steering wheel and squeezed it tightly and reassuringly.
"That is a good thing!" she whispered through her tears.
6 comments:
Hi Beck,
I am new to the blogging community and have really connected to your blog more than most others. I have been trying to start at the beginning of your posts and work my way forward, but I am still reading posts from 2007! I have really enjoyed many of them and have wanted to comment many times, but sadly missed the boat by about 5 years. I nearly fell out of my seat when you "kissed Tim on the lips." Haha. You got me. Hope you are well. Thanks for sharing your blog.
It never ceases to amaze me that someone would read my blog the way you describe. Even I haven't done it. I keep telling myself that I should, but I haven't taken the time to do so.
Thanks for finding value in my journey and I hope to hear from you again, especially if you can find a thread that this really does "get better".
May I ask: what is it that you connect with here more than other blogs?
I am not completely sure what it is that makes me connect with some blogs (particularly yours and Gay Mormon's - which sadly has been inactive for two years and I have had no response after emailing the author) more than others. In some ways your two blogs are complete opposites (his is from a young, unmarried point of view that ends with him giving in to his desires for men). But something about the sincerity of the writing styles speaks to me.
One of your posts that I recently read spoke of a cycle of obsessing about a male (even if the relationship was more imagined than real) and then falling hard for him and being completely crushed. I understand this cycle and relate to it even though I really only see it as having occurred once in my life. But for some neurotic reason I keep going through the same cycle in response to the same person that I just cannot let go of!
You also speak of being completely committed to your wife while simultaneously craving to know what it would be like to fully love and be loved by another male. I feel this very often as well.
In summary, I just feel like our deepest desires for good in the midst of yearnings for the forbidden are similar in magnitude and scope.
I just wanted to say Hi Beck.
Such a lovely comment and response! Glad to hear that your relationship is stronger! I continue to hope that the situation with your children gets better. Make sure to never let them go and always love them.
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