Saturday, June 16, 2012

My LIfe in a nutshell... or at least a major part of it...

This short film really defined me... down to the blue shirt, the khaki dress pants, the shaggy hair, and even the pen in the pocket and leather book bag... the unsure walk and stance... always looking out for the eye contact and quick smile from the cute guy... yet too shy to ever do anything about it... or too afraid to do so... always watching opportunity, fiction or reality, slip by. Can anyone else relate? For example: The other day I went into a small local shop to buy a gift card for my wife. There were several people in line at the cashier so it allowed me the time to admire the most beautiful, amazing guy working the register. He was sweet and cute and so good looking that it made me tremble a bit inside. When it was my turn he looked up and smiled brightly and sincerely at me, and I melted. I asked for a gift card and he gave me a hard time about getting a quick gift and I kidded back with him and we shared another smile and laugh. Our hands touched as he handed me the card and receipt and I felt something exciting about this little encounter. We shared a bit more small talk and smiles and then I thanked him... I wanted to tell him he made me feel so different inside and that he was so beautiful... but of course, I didn't. Sigh!

12 comments:

Bravone said...

Oooohhh, sad movie...

Beck said...

Are you calling me pathetic?

Bravone said...

Heavens no! It truly makes me sad, for two reasons. First, because as I watched it, I envisioned you in it, and felt your pain. Second, I feel a bit ashamed that I identified with both characters.

I do believe in happy endings though!

recover and thrive said...

aww - that WAS totally sad! I wish it would have ended with the note and smile . . . its so hard to make a move! I over analyse way too much, wish things would just happen

Beck said...

THRIVE: I sometimes wish things would just happen as well. But relationships take work, and particularly these kind... where they stay locked up in my closeted, hidden mind-game world.

Beck said...
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2Whls said...

I can identify. It would take a miracle for me to make the first move. I'm sure I have missed out on some subtle gestures from others interested in me, but I find it easier to not do anything. Need to get some nerve up or I'll end up out of love and lonely.

Forester said...

These moments are so wonderful, but in the end, so depressing, knowing that it's never even going to be a remote possibility. How do you cope, being in this same situation? I guess that's what your entire blog site is about.

Dean Scott said...

I am in a different circumstance from you since I am single, but I find the first move incredibly difficult. I've had them bomb. There are times when I passed on making the first move and then regretted it.

I was in line at a cafeteria a few weeks ago when I felt a strange combination of interest and animosity. I galnced around. There was a party of two men and one woman. I saw the man directly behind me was clearly invading my personal space and had a look of anger. At the back of his party was a younger man. I felt an instant connection to him even though he was not looking at me.

We proceeded through the line slowly since it was a busy night. A minute later I glanced back and saw the guy I felt the connection with staring at me. He quickly turned away. The other man continued to invade my space.

There was no way to say anthing to the man at the back of the party, but I so wanted to talk to him. He looked like he might have been the brother of the woman in the party. Perhaps the straight couple was out to dinner with their gay brother/brother-in-law.

Anyway, this video reminded me of that incident, and again remined me that I am longing for my partner. Thanks for sharing even though it is painful.

naturgesetz said...

That video is completely true to life for me. I know the guy should have said something — maybe "What are you reading?" — but I know I'd never have the nerve to do it.

Cute guys behind the cash register are a different story. It's easier to chat a bit because we know nothing will ever come of it and, more importantly perhaps, we aren't risking self-disclosure or rejection.

el veneno said...

Hey Beck, Thanks for sharing. I can relate too. Yesterday I was at a BBQ with my single's ward. This one sweet, adorable guy kept ending up around me, whether I was seeking him out or he was seeking me out. His roommate even commented "every time I see one of you, you are together." He joked that the guy was going to make his girlfriend jealous. At one point the guy invited me to go swing on the swings with him. At the end, he asked if he could come over to my place to hang out while he waited for his girlfriend to get off work. It was exciting to get so much attention from an awesome guy and I struggled to keep the perspective that this guy has a girlfriend and is most likely straight. I didn't make any moves and don't regret it cause I really don't think he's interested like that, but it's crazy sometimes what my mind does with these things.

el veneno said...
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