I am really trying to be in a good place right now and stay positive (even though little things still slip me up and I start beating myself up as is my habit) and I want to blog about the positive things that are happening as well as my little slip ups in hopes of finding a good balance.
But, this is one last post that continues the theme of the previous post, regarding the Church's stance taken last week. And I promise myself this is it on this subject and I'm going to move on and back to my angst as usual...
I really thought, naively for sure, that there would be an "increased understanding" and an "abundance of love and acceptance" from the membership at large following the Church's public stance. I really thought, maybe it was more of a wish, that the bigotry and ugliness would "soften" a bit toward topics of discussion in the priesthood quorum that dipped into the current events.
Alas, I was wrong...
Yesterday there were two zingers. Neither comment was totally on the subject of "how Joseph Smith felt about his prophetic mission" but somehow these two particular quorum brothers are able to twist the subject to the current events of the week. One said that it was "sad to see the Church needing to bend to the beliefs and immoral practices of others". And the other commented on those who feel that they are outside the kingdom and are knocking at the door in hopes of being rescued by the Prophet (referring to the recent handcart march to Church Headquarters) and then added that the Prophet is leading the church by revelation not democracy, and frankly "good riddance" to them that are outside.
I couldn't believe it. I guess I really am naive that people with change. But I see it as another generation needs to pass and die off before we can triumphantly enter the "promised land". I sat there feeling very hurt and frustrated but decided not to call him on it in the public setting, but pulled him aside afterward and stated that I didn't appreciate his "good riddance" attitude and found it inappropriate in a quorum setting of brotherly love. And I left not seeking any rebuttal.
I probably should have done more, but the situation was so ironic. This same brother was stating that the saints weren't ready to receive the further light and knowledge Joseph was prepared to give them because they were too concerned with their worldly or day-to-day needs to see and accept the truths of eternity. And he thinks that he's ready to receive further light and knowledge with the attitude of hatred and disgust for his gay brothers and sisters?? I'm sure he doesn't even see any conflict.
I noted after church that I had received a fax like 80,000 others stating: "Do not be fooled! Apparently the LDS church had no way out except to endorse the gay rights ordinances..." encouraging one to not be swayed, to not accept homosexuality as a civil right. Continuing it states: "Shame on Utah gays for persecuting, harassing, using intimidation tactics, and staging scenarios to corner the LDS Church into endorsing their movement and to use the LDS Church as a backbone to sway the LDS voters and legislators to vote for their laws!"
Despite all of this, I am still optimistic and positive and find good in the steps the Church took, steps that cannot be taken back, and I still hold out hope that the majority can see through such comments as those I heard at church, or see the hate spilling out of that fax.
Is such hope ill-advised? Must we wait for this generation to die off? Did I do too little? Should I have done more?