This tender experience from last Sunday has given me a great sense of hope and peace. I've been thinking a lot about it. I am grateful that if such a discussion and open expression of love occurred because I needed to hear it at that particular time in this particular situation - then all the more do I feel an incredible indebtedness and sense of love for my Father who sees what each of us needs as we are prepared to receive it.
But now, my thoughts have migrated to the thought that I need to be more outspoken and not so hidden - I need to be seen as who I am and not be so concerned about what others think of me, including my fellow priesthood brethren. I need to be a face of a gay man, who believes fully in the Gospel, who is a faithful husband and father - and still very much gay.
I ended up having a subsequent conversation with one of my quorum brothers. He had recently become familiar with the current changes of the attitudes of the Brethren and we continued a dialogue on how things are changing and that soon there may be an asterisk or clarification note on the Miracle of Forgiveness that confirms the current teachings of the Brethren regarding SSA and the distinction of attraction and temptation verses sinful behavior as noted by Pres. Kimball. Just to have such a conversation with a normal straight ward member was very refreshing. I got a bit passionate in our conversation and when we finished, I wondered what he thought of me - meaning - did I get too vocal that he's questioning why I'm so "interested" in the topic?
In the end, I'm back inside myself. It is very, very quiet and lonely in this closet. I can't be seen or heard as I dwell here. I can't help the perception of my other fellow MOHOs as I stay in here.
So, question of the day: Short of passing out the new pamphlet at the chapel door, how can someone like me, from my quiet closet, do more to increase the understanding and love and decrease the prejudice and shunning influence and disdain of the church status quo membership of the Wasatch Front for their fellow brothers and sisters who very much deal with SSA and are striving to do so the best ways they know how?