Thursday, December 22, 2011

A brief encounter...

CASE IN POINT: It's a gay thing, I guess...

The other night I arrived at the airport after a long business trip. The airport was seasonally busy with lots of activity in every direction. I was tired and anxious to get on my way, to be with family, to settle back into the warmth of home. Boarding the bus for the long-term parking lot, I got smashed in the middle of mostly businessmen hanging on in very tight standing-room-only personal space, shoulder bags and bodies mashing together.

It was in this scenario that I found myself staring into the face of a most exceptionally beautiful man. He was in his late 20s or early 30s. His eyes were piercing blue, with amazing lips and smile. His blond hair was neatly groomed and his nose beautifully proportioned. His neck and body fit and lean and strong. He smelled sweet and intoxicating and I couldn't help but drink him in. We bumped together and leaned in unison around the bends and up and over the overpass. Our eyes met a couple of times and we smiled with brief small-talk of being pleasantly crushed together.

He wormed his way through the mass of bodies and got off at stop no. 1 and so did I quickly following his path. He headed in the direction of my car and I followed closely behind, admiring his shoulders and buns and manly walk. I wanted to keep drinking him in and found myself enchanted by his mere essence. Before I knew it, I had followed him past my car and into the next lot. I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him. When he stopped at his car, I finally realized I had completely forgotten what I was doing, and came to my senses and circled back to my car.


I've pondered this since and wonder if I get so mesmerized and consumed and overwhelmed by such brief encounters with gorgeous men because of my gay celibacy or is it "just a gay thing"?

Is this normal?

Just wondering.


Philip said...

Beck said: "wonder if I get so mesmerized and consumed and overwhelmed by such brief encounters with gorgeous men because of my gay celibacy or is it "just a gay thing"?

I think it's just a male thing...

For straight men, just replace gorgeous men with gorgeous women.

I sometimes feel like a stalker when I do it.

But have you noticed it never feels creepy when you do it; it only feels creepy when another guy does it to you (well, depending on how good looking the other guy is).

And yes celibacy definitely does make a difference.

But again that is a male thing...

Celibacy takes it from stalking to a whole other level.

With me, I can get downright squirrelly.

Bottom line is that I don't think there's a difference between how gay/straight men behave when it comes to the same/opposite sex.

The only difference is how society behaves.


naturgesetz said...

I think Philip pretty much nailed it.

Just a comment on celibacy. I think that people "in a relationship" can also find themselves smitten by someone attractive. Hopefully most of them are less likely to pursue it, as, I hope, have those of us who have chosen celibacy as the way to live as homosexuals.

I know that I've had those moments of encounter with someone attractive, even instances where the other person seemed willing to continue the encounter. But I've never let the encounter go beyond it's natural ending point (my stop, his stop, completing the purchase at the store where he works, etc.). It's not that I wouldn't like making friends, but these encounters don't seem geared to that.

MoHoHawaii said...

I think it's celibacy.

I think I'm as attracted to guys as anyone, but I would have a very different reaction to this situation. It's because I have a man at home who loves me, and (not to be indelicate) I get plenty of physical affection at home. It makes a huge difference. Being in a relationship normalizes many things. It makes you saner.

Beck said...

PHILIP: I do notice that it never feesl creepy when I do it. It feels totally good and "normal". But I know it could seem "creepy'or being perceived as a "stalker". I didn't mean to do anything but go to my car, but I got caught up in the moment.

I see that it is a "male" thing either way you look at it - as the pursuer. But I think the celibacy aspect does add to the mesmerizing trigger.

NATURGESETZ: I really wasn't going to pursue the desired kiss or touch,or any kind of relationship or even dialogue, but it was funny that I got so "smitten" that I forgot where I was going.

Beck said...

MOHOH: I do think the celibacy aspect amplifies things. I wasn't seeking him out. I wasn't doing anything at all - but then BAM! I get hit with the trigger and I let it get me dwelling on him and the attraction to him. I don't think I'd do that as much if I were "getting what I needed" at home.

That said, I'm okay with all this. I don't think I was "creepy" or "stalking" and yes, I let my thoughts go into the "smitten" category... but it's all good.

I used to beat myself up for these kind of encounters in the past. Now I'm looking at them as interesting, even innocent fun. I could be creepy and not know it, but I don't think so. My attractions are what they are and at my age, I'm pretty happy that I still get "attracted".

What I am is not angsty about it all. Enjoying the view and not giving myself 20 lashes is a good improvement!

Beck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Philip said...

Mohohawaii says: "Being in a relationship normalizes many things. It makes you saner."

I like your response so much better than mine.

I would take it even further by saying freedom to pursue happiness normalizes one's life and the preventation of that pursuit can have many negative consequences.

That's because, unlike primal needs like sex, a lot of feelings like romantic feelings can be repressed leaving the individual unaware of a great deal of their humanity.

So being closeted can lead one to incorrectly believe one is not like the rest of humanity and can keep the person from discovering the not so primal things in life like love.

Which is one difference between gay and straight men.

Society still doesn't grant gay men the freedom to pursue happiness that it allows for their straight peers.


PNWReader said...

Actually, I find it creepy no matter how good-looking the guy, but not at all when it's a woman. With a guy it feels more predatory even if it is flattering. Not that I have lots of datapoints.