Saturday, October 22, 2011
One last wish...
I love autumn!
Truth be told, I love all the seasons and look forward to each one. I certainly can imagine life lived without the changing of distinct extreme seasons, but I don't know that I could live such a life, even as spectacular as the tropical paradise may be.
There is something magical about the blazing beauty of the brilliant leaves caught in that brief moment of full jaw-dropping splendor, particularly with the low-angle sunlight of a fall late afternoon. Such a light caught the mountains out my window for such a micro-moment. I snapped a couple of shots before it was gone - a burst of color, of life shouting like the Whos in Whoville that it is still here all around us and to embrace it, wake up and notice and be thrilled, even touched by the spirituality of the miracle of life's cycles.
A few days ago I noted this comic in the paper and it gave me reason to pause...
I wonder! Yes, I still wonder if it is possible for me, once my "work is done", after I've done my duty and played my part well, that I will "get one last wish" to be what I "really want to be". I have a resilient hope that this is still the case. This hope is resilient, but maybe foolish.
I have chosen my path... and thus, this is my color, hidden behind securely closed doors, lacking the brilliance that can only be found in being seen in the sunlight. Is it too late? Some readers, as I've found out in recent comments, actually follow my slow pace of change, are still hoping, still awaiting that day when I get that "one last wish" to show my true colors. At this stage of life, is that really practical? Even possible?
I firmly believe that none of us is a finished product. We are all a work in progress, and that work is not finished. There is still time for improvement... there is still time to be better, to open the door, to come forth.
I sat on a plane yesterday and had a very interesting conversation with a fellow stranger - something I don't readily do, being much more intent to keep to myself, read, organize thoughts or sleep. But he was much more interested in having a conversation with me. He told me of his life, of travelling all over the globe on business, of being once a member of the church, of being recently divorced, and of having lost his daily connection with his kids. It was easy for me to tell him that it wasn't yet finished... there is always hope, and that none of us is a finished product - we still have much to do to be better.
He responded that I had touched his life, that he was going to give it some thought and re-investigate his options and look forward to finding spirituality and enlightenment again in his life.
I have pondered how easy it is for me to encourage others, but how hard it is to encourage myself, particularly when I face these inner struggles of authenticity consistently bubbling to the surface.
Will I allow my inner colors to shine? Will I see that living in darkness will never permit the real "me" to be seen in the light? And is that okay? Or really, in reality, it's just too late?... Winter is coming and that's reality.