Friday, October 28, 2011
Hum a good hymn!
I hate it when this happens. It shows how little self-control I have... and how truly weak I am... and maybe how much a man like me needs to be married to a woman.
You see, my wife is out of town for over a week - and when that happens, the temptation meter jumps to the max! I feel overwhelming desires to do things, think things, that she wouldn't approve of (and that my core values wouldn't approve of either). I want to watch gay-themed films, and doing so will undoubtedly trigger desires to long for some guy to hug, which will lead to me really needing to kiss a guy. I know I don't have anyone in my life that will provide that connection (unless... um... any takers? :) ), and so these desires fail to linger in the real world, but instead, they linger in the mind - a dangerous place that destroys will power, positive image, self-mastery, self-worth.
I really need her here to keep me steady, sane, safe, in control...
Is there value in mixed-oriented marriage after all? Is it normal to fall off the wagon when the parole officer is looking the other way? Why do I feel like a playing mouse when the "cat" is away?
Or am I a just a slutty boy simply wanting to get it on with anything male that moves?
Why does this happen? Is this really my "core value"?
I hate this... got to stay strong... got to stay clean... I need to think of a favorite scripture or hum a good hymn!