Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Vanity Christmas Shopping, etc....
I went vanity Christmas shopping yesterday. This is where I tell myself that I'm shopping for the wife and family members, but end up gravitating toward the "mens" departments and stores and find myself vanity shopping for myself. Seeing that I don't really do a lot of shopping, and can count the times I enter a mall during the year on one hand, I tell myself it is appropriate, particularly when I've told my wife that I no longer what her to buy me any clothes.
In the past, I've allowed her to buy me clothes and she's done a great job for the most part, but she tends to buy on the "extra large" size. In the last year of so, I've been trimming down quite a bit. I've stayed at 165 lbs (and with my 6'-3" height, I'm pretty thin - but still needing to work on the lean and fit part). In the past, I've been embarrassed that I'm skinny (a major hold over from my teenage years where "skinny" translated to "weak, wimpy, and sissy.") So for decades, I wore over sized clothes, bulky sweaters etc. as a means to try to disguise my wimpy skinny body.
As I've been slowly embracing my gayness and self-expression, in a way to say that I'm "changing" and becoming more "self-affirming", I have gravitated in the last year or so to much more tight-fitting clothes, low-rise jeans, and now skinny-jeans. And I really like the "new me" that is emerging. I'm tired of hiding under layers of ill-fitting clothes.
I have loved my 30" waist low-rise bootleg jeans, and thought I should venture into the "skinny jean" world. After all, it appears that "skinny" is in and is the new cool and hip. Could I do it? Could I pull it off? At my age? Is it appropriate? Am I nuts?
I bought a pair of 30" skinny Levis and took them home without trying them on, but soon found out that the skinny cut of the jeans is tighter than I thought, so I had to take them back and upsize to a 32" waist in the skinny cut... And I love them! Is that vain? I figure it's about time that I became more self-affirming. Is this stupid or what?
Anyway, yesterday, I went to Macy's at the mall to buy my wife some clothing, and sure enough ended up in the Men's department looking at the "super skinny" jeans. I was proudly sporting my new "skinny" jeans, wondering what the "super skinny" jeans would feel like. As I was browsing, I noted out of the corner of my eye that there was a great-looking 20-something standing near another display of jeans. I caught him looking at me as I glanced his way. Our eyes locked! I didn't turn away. He smiled and I blushed a bit and smiled back.
I moved to the dress shirts, as I wanted to get some "fitted" shirts, tired of wearing dress shirts that swamp my gazelle-frame. A couple minutes later I noticed that he was looking at dress shirts as well. He was kneeling down sorting through some shirts near the floor while I was looking at the fitted shirts on a table. He looked up at me again and I looked at him and we locked and I smiled this time more readily. He was sporting tight jeans and a tight-fitting shirt and a scarf that looked hot. I had a scarf on too but unfortunately my shirt wasn't as nice-fitting as his (that's why I was seeking out the fitted shirts).
This was the second time. I was beginning to feel my heart beat faster. Was this really happening? I mean, this really doesn't happen much, if ever, to me. After all I'm an old fart... why would a 20-something be doing this to me?
I moved to another aisle of shirts and he stood up and stared right at me. I could feel his eyes burning through me and I was beginning to not know what to do next. So I looked up at him shyly and said "hey", and then slowly walked off. This was the third time! I didn't know what I was supposed to do... After a few paces, I turned around quickly to sneak a peak and he wasn't watching so I assumed that I had blown it and kept walking.
So there you have it. I bought some fitted shirts, some skinny jeans, and some tight sweaters... and I'm loving it. I'm ready to toss all my extra-large clothing out of my closet forever - both physically, but also symbolically.
And now I think I'm vain enough to actually believe that I was being checked out by a 20-something hot guy.
So you have my post of yesterday where I'm the cool-headed, omniscient, self-aware and got-my-head-on-straight kind of guy. And then the next day, you have me being vain, adolescent and juvenile, thinking a guy could actually be hitting on me.
I guess I've got a long way still to go. I don't have this gig figured out as well as I think I do...