Monday, October 19, 2009

Paying off!

Good things are going on and they come with lessons learned that are really helping out. Most of these things are where I'm focusing more on my wife and giving her the attention that she desires and being more open with her about the attention and desires that I need from her. In the past, we'd imply things but not really say anything and as would be expected, there would be misconceptions and miscommunications. Now, we are more direct and it is paying off.

And concentrating on things with her, working together with her around the house and in the garden; simple things like taking dancing lessons as a couple and then going dancing together - something we've never done, and then following up with spontaneous dancing in the living room or kitchen - is paying off. And it's a lot of fun. I didn't think that dancing would be so much fun and it is something that we've discovered after all these years of marriage that we enjoy doing together. She breaks into laughs and smiles warmly and affectionately when I take her in my arms and start dancing around the house. Wow, why didn't I do that two decades ago?

Being open to touch. Reaching out instead of pulling way. Talking about touch. Willingness to be open to each other. Wow, little things have huge pay offs!

And getting away together. This one is never over-rated. The job stress (and lack of meaningful work and economic concerns) and the kids and the everyday stresses of life get in the way of each other. We've learned that planning and anticipating, working on a goal of getting away and then doing it - you know what? It really pays off! Even in these difficult times, it is worth every penny. We recently got away from everything for a week and it was an incredible blessing. We bonded and connected like never before. It was like the honeymoon that we never had. Sure I was distracted by the beautiful eye-candy of gorgeous guys around me (that will never go away and frankly it is a blessing to enjoy beautiful guys) but the focus never not so out of whack to keep me from remembering that I'm with my bride and I'm here to make her happy and she's doing the same for me. Wow, I wish we could do this every month... but alas, take it for what it's worth - it really has paid off!

All of this was triggered by my willingness to be more open and honest with her. We are still a long way from her being completely comfortable with where I am, but we are also not in the stalemate and stagnation of where we were.

For now, I am willing to hold off and the take a step back and to bring her along as she is ready to be brought, particularly in my arms, together, in a union of love and devotion and focus on each other.

In the process, I don't feel a huge need to blog a lot, and like Bravone, may take another step back from this community for a while, moreso than I already have in the last few months. I am not going away, but I want to learn from these lessons and enjoy the "pay off".

So, what do you think? Sorry that this isn't full of angst as usual (I'll work on that!) I am still very eager to receive your comments as always!


Abelard Enigma said...

I am truly happy for you. There is a time and a season for everything. Perhaps your blogging season is nearing an end.

Ned said...

Wow, Beck! Learning lessons and taking dance lessons, focusing on your spouse but also speaking candidly, opening yourself up emotionally and also to having fun in new ways, laughter, smiles, affection, talking, touching, getting away, putting distractions in perspective, appreciating beauty where you find it, embracing your blessings, remembering who you're at the dance with, finding joy in simple things like working together--such a report.

Congrats on all this. I will miss reading you here but as Abelard suggests there are times and seasons in each of our lives. I know that as winter approaches I will find warmth not only in hearths and hearts, but in memories and dreams of sun-filled swimming pools, sun-drenched hikes and in promise of another spring and summer.

Beck said...

Abe and Ned:

I'm not going anywhere - just scaling back for a season, and trying to re-evaluate things by refocusing where my focus should be.

I'm still here. I don't want to evolve into a distant memory of fondness.

But there are seasons in our lives. Some are long, some are short. Some are fickle... and fickle implies that I can change my mind and be angsty at a moment's notice... so keep in touch.

Thanks for your friendships and brotherly love.

Alan said...

Congratulations on the progress. It is nice to see some growing contentment amidst the angst.

Beck said...

ALAN: Thanks for the congrats... but you better check my response to your comment from the previous post before you decide if I'm really making progress here.

Sarah said...

:) I'm happy that you are happy. I hope it continues to go well for you. (And I wish Scott would take me dancing and spontaneously dance with me in the kitchen!)


Beck said...

Sarah: Thank you. I am still doing well. We are really trying to focus on each other and it is paying off. We have become closer and as I give of myself more to her, the return is 10-fold!

I didn't think dancing would be one of the keys, but for us it has been.

Want to take some couples private dance instructions with us? :)

Bror said...

Hmmmmmm where's beck. :)

Beck said...

BROR: I'm still here and kickin'. I have been out of town a lot in the last month. I've taken a break from blogging and stepped back to re-evaluate. I still have more to say and would like to put together a "lessons learned" post, even if just for myself. But, I have to do it as I feel it inside me and right now I'm still in a holding pattern.

But thank you for being out there and caring and wanting to stay in touch with this blog.

Bravone said...

Sooooo happy for this good news! I admire you for having the maturity and selfless nature that allows you to put her interests first. In the long run, it will pay huge dividends.