I was sitting in the bathroom last night and noticed the book "Kosher Sex" sitting next to the toilet. It had been left there by my wife some time ago. Casually, I flipped it open and landed on p. 222 and started reading...
"The Talmud declares that no one sins unless gripped by a spirit of madness. This statement simply states the obvious: that if the average person were to think through all the consequences of their transgression, they would never do it. We sin because we just don't think. Like all sins, the delights of adultery don't really exist. Sure, for a few moments or even weeks the pleasure is there. But compared to the infinite misery that this is all leading to, there will be scarce memories of pleasure. Once your life begins to self-destruct and your spouse abandons you, you will wish that you kept your pants on.
"Let's say you go ahead with the affair. You continue seeing your lover and develop real passion and excitement. You will then arrive at the point where you will have to make a choice between your spouse and your lover. Don't fool yourself into thinking the two can coexist. For they cannot. Every act of love with your illicit lover is a stab in the heart of your other half.
"Whatever energy you are putting into your affair is being depleted from your marriage. The real sin is not so much a sin of commission - doing something wrong - but, rather, it is a sin of omission - failing to do something right. There is no marriage on the planet that can survive the complete redirection of love and sexual focus that is involved in having an adulterous partner. Whatever interest you are showing your lover, you are not showing to your spouse. When the reason for this is found out, spouses will bring the rafters in the ceiling down rather than allow their humiliation to continue. In every act of adultery, we hurt ourselves, because to hurt one's spouse is, literally, to hurt oneself..."
-- Shmuley Boteach
My thoughts started spinning: Though my previous musings- eternal and ad nausea - of having a boyfriend, a bromance, an affectionate friend have never crossed into the desires for a sexual partner (though some may argue I'm naive enough to think that line will never be crossed), the message here is still strong. It is a sin of omission, not commission. I may never do something "wrong", but I may fail to do something "right". And my interests, as long as they are focused on my wanttabe boyfriend or bromance (for whatever understandable reason why - especially in a mixed-oriented marriage) cannot be focused at the same time on my spouse. And to hurt her is literally to hurt myself.
Maybe I think too much...