Another dear friend wrote this to me about my feeling all "icky" inside.
(NOTE: when I use the word "icky" I mean to imply my unworthiness, my self-hate and uneasiness... that I am scum, that I don't deserve any better. It does not mean that my friendships and relationships are "icky", as they are most definitely not.)
Anyway, this friend helped me to realize another truth:
"Someone is whispering in your ear that you are an icky person - but it's not God who is telling you that. That's what he does. He gets us to do wrong things, and then tries to convince us that we are a bad person because we did him. From there, he tries to tell us that, since we are a bad person anyway, we should just go ahead and keep doing bad behavior. You made some mistakes, now you need to pick yourself up ... But, you're not perfect - join the club!"
I'm trying to not feel icky...