Thursday, July 07, 2011

Why do some friendships never die?

We met eight years ago by chance in Southern Utah. There was instant chemistry. We spoke the same language, shared the same height and eyes and hair color and smile. He, a dozen years younger, not decades. An unexplained and unexpected bonding followed. Long distance friendships are hard enough to maintain, but from just a once-in-a-lifetime chance meeting of two souls meeting on a red rock cliff admiring the same view for just a moment together... could there be a hope for a lasting friendship?

Emails shared, common connections expanded. Was this to be something more? Is there destiny after all?

Christmas gifts... then 5 years later a visit with hugs and kisses. What was happening?

More emails... work opportunities, followed by my visiting him a few months ago at his house across the pond on the other side of the planet... meeting his family, breaking bread, sharing together his town, walking the streets hand-in-hand, kissing in that oh-so-European way.

And then last week he came to my town. Walking hand-in-hand here in Utah, hugging, and kissing in that oh-so-European way! I didn't care who saw or what others thought. He was here. He was with me. We shared a bonding that keeps increasing. And now he is gone again.

I allow this pattern to occur in my life. I can't have what I want except with these little glimpses of "what if" sprinkled every now and again along the way.

And yet I can't help but think... why did we meet? Why did this meeting not die like so many others do? Why, instead, does it continue to get stronger? What's the point? What is in this connection that makes this bonding grow, even with 10,000 miles between us?


The story of my life... fleeting bromantic friendships that though real, powerful and beautiful, are fleeting and fruitless... and beautiful!


Evan said...

I don't think this counts as "bromantic" in any sense. It sounds pretty romantic to me. I feel like considering it that way would give you a very different impression of where you are in life.

MoHoHawaii said...

I'm with Evan on this one. The "b" in bromantic is just a fig leaf in this case.

GMP said...

I know the feeling of wondering why your friendship continued. Is it fate? Somehow part of your plan? Or is it a test to see how you react? Confusing stuff to be sure.

And yeah, the others are right. I know bromances and this is no bromance.

Miguel said...

We (you?) allow it to occur and repeat because connections like this only happen once in a blue-moon, is it fate? Is it love? Who cares, it is happening and it sounds like you're not so uncomfortable with it taking place, which is in itself a great thing!

Beck said...

EVAN and MOHOH: I guess I use the "b" word in this situation because I don't see it going anywhere beyond these occasional encounters - at first years apart and now twice in one year. It is hard to see it become the "r" word, particularly since he's just being European (not necessarily gay) and I'm just loving him being so.

Beck said...

GMP: My mind was going down the "fate" road where "there are no such things as coincidences", yet you suggest the "test" scenario that may be just as valid, particularly as I try to resist this going much further than friendship.

Beck said...

MIGUEL: Are these really "once in a blue-moon" encounters? Are they really this rare? Don't they happen all the time?

Friendships typically die when one side stops investing in the relationship. As soon as that happens, it's hard to keep it going. That's what's so nice about this one - it comes from both sides.

robert said...

This very much made me think of the trope "life is not in a destination but in the journey". Fruitless??? really???

Beck said...

ROBERT: "Fruitless", in the sense of not really going where I want it to go. A "bowl of benevolent bounty" in the sense that this journey with my friend is an amazing series of exclamation points in my life!!!

Evan said...

I guess my point was that whether or not he's gay, you are. Unrequited romances are serious stuff and your emotions are on the line. A friendship can be generally regarded as a "bromance" by the rest of the world, but still be "romantic" for you.

I think back to a situation where my boyfriend had a very close friendship with a guy. One day, that guy admitted that he was very much in love with my boyfriend, and even though he knew it couldn't go anywhere, it was keeping him up at night and getting in the way of him having a real relationship of his own. Even though only one party was romantically invested, it was still enough to mess with him pretty seriously.

Not saying this is what is happening to you, that's just my first reaction to this sort of thing.

Beck said...

EVAN: Thanks for the follow-up. I understand what you are saying. I have been pretty "messed up" with one-sided romances in not sleeping at night and being tied up in a "crush".

Fortunately, I find myself slowing coming out of the gay adolescence within which I have spent most of my life.

This post was more about how I am having these wonderful affectionate friendships, and keeping them in check, recognizing the wonder of it all, even the "romance" of it all, but staying more grounded than all wigged out as in the past.

Thanks again for your input. And best wishes to you and your boyfriend!