And that is the challenge of this life - how to balance all things for good, and to choose the better part.
Thank you for your concern for me. I know it is sincere and I take it as such.
May I state that I have been blessed with a precious and special wife who I love eternally. I am amazed at the miracle she is in my life and I want nothing more than to be with her forever.
However, though you may think I'm delusional, I respectfully disagree that my open heart to my friends is the source of my difficulties with my wife. The source of my difficulties is much deeper and more fundamental than that and remains in me, whether I have close male friendships or not. My relationships with my friends are not "gay play" nor giving into the "force". They are deep and unique friendships with other males and in no way are "gay play". Yes, believe it or not, it is possible to have dear, even close friendships with other males as a gay man, without placing my eternal exaltation in jeopardy. In fact, I would argue that "100% happiness" comes from learning to be a true friend, opening oneself and risking oneself for others in such friendships.
Yes, I have attraction issues. I am attracted to my "boy-friends", both physically and emotionally. I love them! I care for them deeply. I cherish such love as a wonderful and exciting thing. But, I have, with the help of the Spirit, set my own boundaries and have not crossed them. And the Spirit has witnessed to us the miracle of our friendship.
Does that make me less celestial? Am I choosing to limit my eternal potential? Am I seeking only 50% or 75% of happiness? Do I want my cake and eat it too?
These are questions that I'm glad the Savior will help me to answer as He is my judge and knows the intent of my heart. The Spirit has whispered to me to open my heart, to be sensitive and generous with others and not be afraid of such risks. It's a crazy life - complicated by the fact that there is a lot of gray out there. His Grace is sufficient for you and me in this not so black-and-white / all-or-nothing world we live in.