I've hit the 6-week mark of going cold turkey... nothing / niente / nada! Nothing inappropriate of any kind, not even close, not even looking at department store ads of guys in the Deseret News... If I can go six weeks then I can go six months, right?
And this is worth it to keep what's truly important together and in the forefront, no? My family is more important that anything else. I know that and I need to constantly remember that. I should feel strong and like the conqueror... I can leave these things behind. I can be better than this. If I've gone six weeks without it, I don't need this "distraction" in my life anymore, right?
So, how come I feel so weak?
Why do I feel like I'm fighting against the inevitable? Is the fight worth it? I feel I have the inner strength to resist and keep going. I keep looking at my son and I feel an obligation that is stronger than the temptation to keep going - to stay clean - even from slightly questionable material. Am I crazy to try?
How come I feel like I'm sticking my head in the sand?