tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post8639912070412791312..comments2023-10-12T06:29:13.317-06:00Comments on Beck: Feeling Marginalized...Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-59122012015230849052013-05-13T17:51:13.378-06:002013-05-13T17:51:13.378-06:00I love you, Beck. I resonate with so much you have...I love you, Beck. I resonate with so much you have said, but I find hope that this struggle, being the good soldier is with it. It's what keeps me chugging as my life gets harder.Ken Biddlesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-80601384524099690502012-11-20T08:08:46.816-07:002012-11-20T08:08:46.816-07:00Beck, Yes, we live marginalized lives. However, I...Beck, Yes, we live marginalized lives. However, I think of the quality of love this has evolved in my life, the empathy I have gained for others, that may not have developed without the dilemmas we face. For those of us who have chosen to 'Bloom where planted,' we have mixed blessings and sorrows, but I hope we have joy and greater knowledge as well, in the larger scheme of things. I love you, brother Beck.GeckoManhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04846438788253129899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-51990762023015351502012-11-17T13:46:26.411-07:002012-11-17T13:46:26.411-07:00Beck - believe it or not, I actually did think of ...Beck - believe it or not, I actually did think of you at the conference. I remember thinking that I wished you could be there and -- knowing your situation -- knowing you could not.<br /><br />Please rest assured, you were not at all marginal, in my thoughts at least.<br /><br />Love, JohnJohn Gustav-Wrathallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03557940681381951271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-25695383086682377522012-11-09T09:40:47.208-07:002012-11-09T09:40:47.208-07:00Every few months my wife breaks down with her inse...Every few months my wife breaks down with her insecurities. I just let her vent and then say sorry and that I don't know what to do. I can't take away her fears, doubts, and insecurities. They just are because I'm gay. I want something she can't give me, but want what she can. I can't deny everyday is good to be with her. <br />I would have loved to have gone to the Circling the Wagons conference, but that would have been a serious commitment, leaving the family here in Southern California and then not visiting my parents or old friends in Salt Lake because they don't know about me. So I didn't even say anything to my wife about the conference.<br />Sometimes I wish I lived in SLC to have that opportunity to make friends with other gay mormons. I feel isolated from all these dialogues and projects going on. Of course, part of it is to protect the family. I have a very uncommon last name, and my career is taking me slowly into the public spotlight, where having a controversial personal life would not be good. So, I keep out of the spotlight on gay mormon issues.<br />I'm glad you still post from time to time. It's good to hear where you're at. I should do the same. I haven't posted anything in many months.<br />I have my email posted on my blog if you ever want to drop me a line. One day we should introduce ourselves properly. Criscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13138524446101772379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-25677578213676261242012-11-08T21:03:39.926-07:002012-11-08T21:03:39.926-07:00Caro Beck,
I love you brother. Being more public ...Caro Beck,<br /><br />I love you brother. Being more public can be difficult at times, but I have lived so long in the closet, doing the right things for the wrong reasons, living so incredibly inauthentically that I feel I damaged my soul. I can't live that way anymore. Coming out and allowing myself to be vulnerable has come with a price. Some have lost respect, some have distanced themselves, some disagree with how, as a gay man, I choose to live my life. <br /><br />However, I am so much happier to no longer be living behind a facade. To truly be known and still be loved and accepted by those who matter most to me is incredibly liberating and fulfilling. <br /><br />Each of us must do what we feel is best for us and our loved ones. I respect you for living as you feel you need to. You're a good man and a dear friend.<br /><br />Ti voglio bene,<br />SteveBravonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02762204502534599107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-72196873068959719042012-11-06T14:20:49.075-07:002012-11-06T14:20:49.075-07:00We are not shiny examples. At least I'm not. ...We are not shiny examples. At least I'm not. And it is too simplistic to say the guys that got out took the easy way out. Some did. For others, it was very difficult but they felt it was the right thing to do for all concerned. Some of those that got out are better ex-husbands now then they were husbands then. If I could say that I have overcome the many problems I faced and am now on the other side then I would be more inclined to give myself more credit. But I struggled then and I am struggling now so I can respect that my decision is not for everyone.<br /><br />Regards,<br />PhilipPhiliphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00230261242977514599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-3409505314586108592012-11-06T13:19:38.446-07:002012-11-06T13:19:38.446-07:00Even though I'm not married, what you say abou...Even though I'm not married, what you say about being cautious, rather than open, avoiding outing myself, rings true to my experience. Two comments.<br /><br />Sometime back I was on a retreat and my retreat director suggested that by constantly looking over my shoulder I was cutting myself off from good things. I think it's a matter of finding a balance between needing to be in the closet (and you may need it even more than I do) and permitting oneself perfectly legitimate friendships, perfectly legitimate contacts, and perfectly legitimate emotional support. (Even heterosexual men don't spend all their time with their wives. They get emotional support being with their buddies.)<br /><br />The married guy who is out and proud and the guy who has set his wife and kids free (so he can be free) may be "shining examples" in some ways, but it seems to me that it takes mores strength and courage to do what you are doing and what Philip is doing. You guys have my deepest admiration because you are doing the right thing for all the right reasons, rather than taking one of the easy ways out offered by those "shining examples."naturgesetzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15268507379933286863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-11538227598381301712012-11-06T12:12:52.638-07:002012-11-06T12:12:52.638-07:00Reading your post gives me mixed emotions-on the o...Reading your post gives me mixed emotions-on the one hand, it answers many questions I have fought to uncover for some time-almost dying in the process. On the other hand, it is disappointing in that by refusing to reveal yourself to the person you loved, what you may not have realized is that they probably (I would imagine) loved you so much that there is nothing you could have said or done that would have changed that. But you let it slip away-you made the decision for the both of you-and now they are gone. Hopefully your writing (which is outstanding btw) will help another avoid the same situation. You seem to have a lot of talent-I'm sure you have great things ahead.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-69640775260772710232012-11-06T00:28:23.388-07:002012-11-06T00:28:23.388-07:00Beck,
I feel exactly as you do. You're not alo...Beck,<br />I feel exactly as you do. You're not alone, and its relieving for me to see that there are others in my situation. It's a tough path to take, but hopefully in some way we can help carry each others burdens.Derekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08240723221102156002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-20860678273337914552012-11-05T21:02:23.070-07:002012-11-05T21:02:23.070-07:00Why?
I don't know about you but for me the co...Why?<br /><br />I don't know about you but for me the conflict has to do with wanting to be a good person more than wanting to be an authentic person even though I know being authentic is not a choice but a need.<br /><br />In my gut I KNEW I eventually could get to a good place in my life if I left but I FEARED my wife wouldn't be able to.<br /><br />I know her and don't think my concern was overstated.<br /><br />And when the kids were young I feared what would happen to them if I wasn't there to take care of them.<br /><br />But now that the kids are grown up and on their own I stay because leaving would mean her being alone probably for the rest of her life.<br /><br />So it's always been about love and the unknown and me not wanting to be a bad person.<br /><br />I guess I rather be unhappy than risk ruining other people's live in pursuit of my own happiness. <br /><br />But as you point out - by marginalizing her affections, I have messed up her life anyway.<br /><br />Yikes!<br /><br />Regards,<br />PhilipPhiliphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00230261242977514599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-55930071511414483882012-11-05T13:51:42.809-07:002012-11-05T13:51:42.809-07:00But... the church is true...right?But... the church is true...right?David Danesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-20655139681686828112012-11-05T12:13:46.601-07:002012-11-05T12:13:46.601-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-2902122292770728662012-11-05T12:13:40.752-07:002012-11-05T12:13:40.752-07:00BIG HUG, back my friend. I know you understand, a...BIG HUG, back my friend. I know you understand, and even if you don't completely, you are accepting of where I am just the same.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26181705.post-33297010799100146162012-11-05T11:40:25.029-07:002012-11-05T11:40:25.029-07:00[[HUG]]
I'm happy to talk (or just listen) an...[[HUG]]<br /><br />I'm happy to talk (or just listen) any time.Scott Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650693452554752386noreply@blogger.com